AllieCat
by Jazzynessa
Summary: Along with most other fans, I have become completely obsessed with Ballie. Starting with Season 4, this story will follow canon, with the addition of "missing scenes" up until the point they inevitably break our Ballie loving hearts. Told entirely in Allie's POV, this story focuses on the woman who stole Bea's hardened heart. First fanfic, be gentle ;)
1. Chapter 1

Allie Novak, sent on a mission by the woman she could only wish was her mother, tried to keep her emotions in check as she sauntered down the concrete halls towards H1. Allie ignored the voices coming from the adjacent cells; their volume nowhere near as loud as the thumping of her own heart, daring her footsteps to keep up the pace.

She was about to meet Bea Smith in person, the woman she idolized, if not downright worshiped. _Oh, would she worship her._ The thought alone sending Allie's stomach into another frenzy.

Although Bea admittedly had no clue she even existed, Allie believed she understood Bea better than most. She too ached for revenge, finding out too late that it never accomplishes what you think it will. The past is still the past, and her future will now be caged.

Regardless, once you've been trampled on too many times, once you can no longer remain a doormat, there is no going back. "I am woman, hear me roar" becomes more than an anthem, it becomes a way of life.

For Allie, that point came when Kaz cleaned her up and showed her a different path. Kaz easily fell into her role of leader as the two rounded up like-minded women and formed the Red Right Hand, what the news would later call a violent vigilante group against domestic violence. Their mission was clear: eliminate the world of men who think they can beat women into submission. Men who really aren't men at all.

The RRH started quietly, hiding in the shadows, picking targets from a list Allie compiled of the worst of her former johns. Men who couldn't just take what was offered, what Allie's desperation had put on the table for them. No, they weren't satisfied until part of Allie's soul seeped out along with her blood, sweat, and tears.

Those men were monsters, and Allie had no remorse when it was their blood that ran. Nor did she object when Kaz decided the Red Right Hand needed credit for their actions. Someone had to make an example of these men, why not their survivors?

The RRH knew plenty of women in dire situations, and though Allie understood despair and the reasons behind Bea's initial act of self defense, she had seen it all before. There were too many men like Harry, Bea's good for nothing husband, and everyone hits their breaking point. Allie didn't grasp the idea of Bea Smith being anything special, until the mother's dramatic escape from Wentworth to end the life of one Brayden Holt.

Bea, and Bea alone, ensured justice for Debbie that wouldn't have otherwise come. Harry apparently couldn't be bothered though his conscience was far from clear. Bea slashing her own wrists, with little to no self regard, set the stage that allowed her to seek vengeance for her daughter. Civilized society would say her methods were all wrong, but few could deny the efficiency of her actions, and even less would mourn the loss of the evil that existed within the Holt family.

For the same reason, Allie didn't grieve when she learned of Harry's murder months after, and she knew Bea wouldn't either. His body might lay six feet under, but his soul went much further south. In the end, neither Bea nor the RRH was responsible for Harry's death, an unfortunate fact in Allie's eyes. She would have gladly took the honor. One could say she agreed wholeheartedly with Kaz's public declaration of her love for Bea Smith.

Allie's devotion to Bea and the cause allowed her to focus on something besides the drugs. She had been clean for a while, though the symptoms were similar to what she felt now, seconds away from meeting her own personal hero.

Allie's blood pressure rose with each breath she took. _Quit fangirling, you haven't even seen her yet,_ she chided as she stuck her sweaty palms into her hoodie pocket, taking the final steps to stand in the doorway of Wentworth's Queen.

Then for one glorious moment all she could do was stare. Even from a distance, Allie felt the atmosphere change, the air being sucked from her lungs, flooding the stillness of the room. A tornado couldn't have ripped her eyes away. There, behind a rickety table, Bea leaned above her crew, arms crossed, head cocked to the side, thick red curls cascading down her back. She was listening intently as her friends carried on about conjugal visits and other free-time activities.

Too soon, Bea straightened out, and caught Allie's stare with an intense one of her own. Before Allie lost herself in Bea's gaze, she stole her breath back and stepped forward. _You can do this._

"Hey," she drawls out, gaining the attention of all five women. "I'm Allie Novak." She was met with complete silence, and a look on Bea's face urging her to get to the point. _Right._ "Uh, Kaz wants to see you."

Bea's eyes tightened, body visibly tense as she looked to her right. The trans woman Maxine, Allie thought, explains, "Bea doesn't see anyone, love. If Kaz wants to meet, she comes to Bea, okay?" Bea continued to glare, never moving from her spot.

"Okay, sure, but when and where?" Allie chuckled nervously, but had to insist. She couldn't go back to Kaz empty handed. The woman who loved her as her own was intense to say the least. She had yet to be on the woman's bad side, and didn't intend to start today.

Bea swelled up, before quickly backing down when Allie didn't step any closer. "Laundry at the change over."

Allie turned away without a word. One quick look back was all she dared before she darted out of the cell.

At change over, Allie stood alongside Kaz and the rest of their crew, waiting for Bea. Kaz has been on the warpath since the RRH's arrest, convinced Bea lagged, though Allie had her doubts. Why would Bea give them a job and then have them arrested before it was complete? Without proof, Kaz knew better than to make too big of a scene, though she wasn't really known to let things go either.

When Bea strutted through the doors flanked by Maxine and Boomer, the tension in the room grew worse than at a Republican Senator's office, waiting for his mistresses pregnancy test results. All Allie could do was smile. She relied on her smile. Her upbeat exterior hid many things, only a few people caring enough to peel back the layers in an attempt to find the real her.

The sexy smirk on Bea's face as she stood toe to toe with Kaz, distracted Allie from what was being said, though she didn't need to hear, she already knew the gist of it. With no love lost between them, the bottle of alcohol and the way she presented it to Bea was Kaz's way of sucking up to the Top Dog. Allie could think of much better ways to please Bea, like getting under her.

The next time they met, tensions were as high as ever between Kaz and Bea, though the subject of this argument held little concern for Allie. Conjugal visits or not, she had no use for birth control. Allie never enjoyed screwing men, it had been all business, no pleasure. After everything she endured, she knew she would never again willingly lay with a man. She had no such issues about women, especially those named Bea Smith.

Allie chose to ignore the obvious beef between their crews, even as the amount of Bea trashing steadily increased from the leader of the RRH, especially after the beating that transpired between Maxine and the Samoan drug-runner, Tina. Despite her own reservations about the whole situation, Allie couldn't help that her admiration for Bea grew every time she saw the older woman.

The way Bea carries herself demands respect, and Allie can feel the undercurrents of repressed sexual energy radiating off her. Thinking of Will Jackson potentially getting to experience Bea in all her glory did not settle well with Allie, not one little bit.

Her infatuation had neared its peak by the time Allie saw Bea alone in the shower, steam rising as fast as Allie's internal temperature. She couldn't resist peeking around the slightly open curtain. Damn, God sure made women the most beautiful creatures of all. Allie couldn't stop leering until Bea caught her and jerked the curtain closed.

Knowing better than to encroach on Bea's territory, Allie skipped a stall before she stepped into her own shower, stealing glances at an unamused Bea over the short walls. Allowing the water to cascade down her face and into her mouth, Allie was only slightly surprised when her own curtain flung open, and Bea stepped into her personal space.

Allie's eyes trailed down Bea's body on their own accord, disappointed to find her covered by a towel, not so disappointed in the cleavage that protruded.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Bea demands predictably, missing the real point behind Allie's inability to look away from the most enticing woman she's ever met. "Do you have a problem with me?" Bea challenged.

Allie gulps, but stands her ground, half smirking as she replies, "No, just a bit disappointed. I always thought you'd do your own dirty work."

The vision of Maxine bashing Tina, regardless of the reason was hard to stomach. She had no problems with the T of LGBT, its just years of being beaten by men Maxine's size, left her with a bad taste towards ill-matched fights, or bashings as the case may be. Confident she had the last word, Allie turned towards the onslaught of water.

She felt Bea lunge behind her before she heard her grunts. Having weighed the merits of provoking the Top Dog, Allie made a few miscalculations. Mainly, underestimating Bea's temper and the tenacity needed to hold such a position.

Allie's face smashed into the hard tiles with a resounding splat. Bea's soft skin contrasting with the hard muscles rippling behind her, sending shock-waves down Allie's body. Allie knew violence, knew when the person needed to beat her down to size, yet this felt different. Allie wasn't sure why exactly, but fear was the last thing she felt towards the woman behind her, even as her eyebrow swelled, and bloods familiar warmth began to pool.

"Do you want me to bash you, huh, is that what you want?" Bea muttered in her ear, lips grazing the outer-shell, her grip against Allie unrelenting.

The normal pulsing between Allie's legs, always present when Bea was close enough for any of Allie's senses to kick in, began to throb. "Is this making you wet?" Allie chokes out, knowing her own answer, desperate for Bea to acknowledge the same.

Bea's shock lessened her hold, and Allie used the opportunity to push herself off the wall and spin towards Bea. The steady shower stream kept the blood from her eye, so her battle wounds were easy enough to ignore under the otherwise pleasant feeling of being naked with Bea Smith. Allie did the only thing she could think of, the only thing she'd been thinking of, and began to drop to her knees, intent on burying her face in the woman before her.

She reached out for Bea, wanting to grab handfuls of that ass to pull her close, only for her hands to be smacked away as Bea yelled, "What the fuck?"

Bea glared, longer than what's necessary for someone so apparently appalled, before grabbing her towel and stomping out of the shower.

For her part, Allie stayed in place, unable to stop the smirk that spread. It wasn't going to be easy, but one day she would worship at the altar of Bea Smith.


	2. Chapter 2

Not even Bea rejecting Allie's gracious offer deterred the blond from what she really wanted. Living in different blocks, she didn't see Bea a lot, just often enough to keep the pit of her stomach in knots and her panties damp, as she undressed Bea with her eyes every chance she got.

Bea never said a word, never did anything but catch Allie's gaze, even when Allie stood half naked with most of Wentworth's population, vying for conjugal visits, encouraging Bea to join. Bea remained stoic, never showing any sign that Allie was getting to her at all.

Then one day, as Allie stood at the back of the line, waiting for her chance to use the phone, Bea did something that shocked everyone, most of all Allie. Cutting in front of a dozen women, Bea called out for her, "Hey, Allie?" Allie looked up to see Bea waving her forward with a large smile. "Hey, come here."

Allie didn't even have a chance to smirk, too confused at the sudden turn of events, as she slowly walked towards Bea. Maybe she had pushed too far, and Bea was going to publicly destroy her.

"Come on," Bea encouraged before telling Tina to fuck off, and giving Allie her place in line. The Asian stormed away, mumbling something about dykes, to which Bea just laughed.

Allie's heart was in her stomach, and all she could manage was a mumbled, "Right-o"

Before the silence became long enough for a gay baby to be born, Bea jumps in and asks, "Hey, Kaz out of medical yet?"

Allie, concerned where this conversation was heading, took a moment before she replied, "Yeah, yeah, she's fine. No fracture, just a bruise."

"Oh, that's good," Bea mused beside her.

Unsure of the reasoning behind Bea's sudden interest in her and the RRH, Allie was thrown off her game. Here she was, chance of a lifetime, and she couldn't even look the woman in the eye. Instead, she looked up and noticed Maxine smiling at her, a gesture Allie couldn't help but to return, albeit a nervous one.

Bea's hands slow approach to her hair, drew Allie's attention back in. Bea ran her fingers across the green streaks and mused, "Hey, I like that color, though I reckon you'd look better lighter."

Allie soared, her smile genuine as she confirmed, "You reckon?" Bea's opinion meant everything to her, even over something as trivial as her hair.

"I could do it for you, give you a cut and color."

"All right," Allie agreed, willing to take anything Bea offered, regardless of how desperate that made her sound.

Bea, who never lost her smile, picked up the phone receiver and handed it to Allie before walking away, leaving Allie to ponder what the hell just happened. It took a few moments before she found the inclination to dial out.

Never one to miss an opportunity to spend time with Bea, Allie of course was the first customer, once Wentworth's version of a salon opened.

After the former governor, Ferguson, moved into their block, the prison became overran with gossip. If even a fraction of the stories she heard were true, Allie would say the name Freak was fitting. That woman definitely freaked her out, always staring at who knows what with her dead eyes. The contrast between the Freak's haunting eyes, and Bea's haunted ones, led Allie to think of little else, though she decided to avoid the Freak as much as possible.

On the other hand, Allie constantly sought out Bea. Allie's confidence soared with a new look and Bea's steadily growing acceptance of her, so she resumed eyeing the Top Dog, like a gift she wanted to unwrap.

When Bea met her by the trash cans after dinner one night, all smiles, Allie couldn't help but to tease, "Oh Bea, quit staring, I get it you like me."

Bea of course, wouldn't confirm or deny such an allegation, so she simply said, "Hair looks good."

"Oh, thanks, I got a good hairdresser," Allie quipped. Not only was it true, Allie's hair hadn't looked so great in years, Allie also knew she would say anything to keep that smile on Bea's face.

Too soon, Bea changed the conversation to the Freak, and the upbeat tone of their conversation was lost.

Days later, a snarky Kaz drew attention to Bea and fucking Will Jackson exiting a conjugal room. She couldn't stand that bastard, not after he injured Kaz. So what she grabbed his balls, does that really give him the right to bash her face into a table? He walked around like he was God's gift to Wentworth, or at least to Bea.

Allie's last meal threatened to come up as she ran after said woman, who was pushing a supply cart around the corner. Standing right before her, the green eyed monster urged Allie to ask, "Hey, what's uh, what's with you and Jackson?"

"Nothing," Bea scoffed.

"You porking him?" Allie pressed, needing Bea's denial like she needed air. When Bea didn't answer, Allie continued. "But you like him?"

Bea got close enough to kiss Allie before she nudged her cart into Allie's hip, and reminded her, "That's none of your business."

Oh, how Allie wished it was.

Despite her questionable luck, Allie did have the good fortune of being behind Bea and Boomer, as Boomer complained about the canceled conjugal visits, "I was really looking forward to tomorrow. I haven't properly got off in ages. Those Fez posters just aren't doing it for me anymore," Boomer complained.

Without prompting, Allie jumps in, "You just got to mix up your technique." When she was sure she had Boomer, and more importantly Bea's attention, Allie continued. "You don't just shove your hand in there, right? You want to take your time with it, enjoy your body. Have you ever done a self massage?"

Bea took a deep breath, then hissed, "Do we really have to fucking listen to this?"

God Bless Boomer and her one track mind who insisted, "Yeah, we fucking do."

Allie didn't dare look to Bea, though she knew the older woman hung on every word. "It's all about teasing yourself, right? So like really lightly massage your tits, clamp onto your nipple, slowly stroke the inside of your thigh a little bit." At this, Allie couldn't help but to watch Bea squirm in her seat. _Oh, Bea, I've only just begun, wait until I actually touch you._ Allie finished with a raunchy demonstration as she added, "Work the clit a little bit, and then you can go in for the G-spot."

Hopefully not for the last time, Bea begged, "Can we please stop this fucking conversation?"

Noticing Bea's genuine discomfort, Allie continued with Boomer in a more private manner.

It wasn't until she finally got Bea alone that Allie thought she should probably apologize. Sitting down beside Bea, Allie got right to the point. "I freaked you out before, didn't I?"

"What?" Bea questioned, seemingly confused.

"Sorry...I thought...when you went all weird about the whole sex thing."

"I didn't get weird," Bea objects.

"Umm, a little bit weird...you're face went all Judge Judy."

"Did it? Bea chuckled.

"Yeah, a little bit."

"No, sex has never really been my..." Bea trailed off.

Allie thought that might be the saddest thing she had ever heard, what kind of person doesn't ensure their partner enjoys sex. _Straight m_ _en that's who._ Sure she was right, Allie declared, "Well, maybe you've been doing it with the wrong people."

"Maybe," Bea agrees, setting Allie's crush ablaze.

Allie couldn't just leave it at that, not when she wanted, no, needed the woman before her to experience true pleasure. "You know, when I was working, I used to just shut myself off, let it happen, get it over with." The recognition in Bea's eyes, encouraged Allie to continue. "That's not sex, that's fucking. Real sex, good sex..." Allie draws out as she brushes the hair off Bea's face and stroked her cheek, "Is in here too."

Allie rose, not wanting to push her luck, but threw a, "You should try it sometime," out there before she left Bea alone.

Later that night, after lights out, Allie lay in her bed wondering if Bea took her advice. It wasn't long before Allie had one hand clamped around a nipple, and the other furiously rubbing her own clit. Closing her eyes and imaging red curls bouncing between her legs set her off, and she climaxed with Bea's name on her lips.


	3. Chapter 3

Morale dipped in H3 after Ferguson was brutally raped in the showers. Fuck, even if she was bad as Bea claimed, no one deserved that. Cruel and unjust punishment much?

Allie didn't like the woman, but she understood Kaz's need to protect her. The blood, the bruises, the emotional toll, all rang a bell for the RRH. Survivors in their own right, Ferguson's attack triggered more than one PTSD induced anxiety attack within their group.

Lost in the somber atmosphere, Allie didn't even have it in her to flirt with Bea when the boss caught her eye in the cafeteria. She walked on, and had begun scraping food off her tray when Bea walked up beside her.

"Hey, what's going on?" Bea asked, aiming her questioning eyes directly at Allie.

Caught off guard, all Allie could manage was, "What?"

Bea looked around, almost paranoid, then questioned, "Why are you protecting her?"

 _Of course she just wants to talk about Joan._ Allie steps aside, intent on cleaning her mess. "Oh, you know Kaz, gotta help a sister."

"Sister?" Bea mocked, "She's not a sister."

"She was attacked...pretty badly," Allie explains. Once again, she didn't like the woman, but damn!

"Did she say who did it?"

"No, she doesn't want to talk about it." Fuck, who does?

"Listen to me. That woman's a psychopath. You gotta back away right now, don't help her out. If she asks you to do anything... anything at all, just report it to me, okay?"

Allie scoffed, "She's like fifty, and can barely move. I think we can handle her."

As she walked away, Bea called after her, "You have no idea."

Allie must have missed a doozy under Ferguson's reign. One woman was so threatening, that even the great Bea Smith was alarmed, though constantly surrounded by her rather large henchwomen? Interesting...

When Ferguson finally said that it was Will Jackson who attacked her, Kaz flipped her shit. The light thread holding her together finally snapped, and she stalked off to find Bea. Allie and the other girls right behind her per usual.

Allie's thoughts raced as she hurried to keep up with Kaz, footsteps pounding down the hall. Why would Bea be friends with a monster? How could she kill Brayden Holt yet glorify Will Jackson, even after everything he has done? Something didn't add up for Allie.

When Kaz confronted Bea in front of the whole prison yard, accusing her of protecting a screw over the women, Bea adamantly denied it. She insisted that Ferguson was lying because Jackson would never do such a thing.

That declaration did little to assure Allie, and nothing to assure Kaz. Surely no one was sick enough to be gang-raped, and then lie about the culprit, leaving the real rapist free to do it again. No one was that demented...right?

Allie stood back with the other women as Kaz and Bea traded verbal jabs. It didn't become physical until Kaz yelled, "You just want to protect the screw you are fucking!"

Bea hit back with a wicked right hook, sending Kaz flying to the ground. Never looking at Allie, or anyone else, Bea leans over Kaz's sprawled out body and insists, "You are listening to the wrong person, dickhead."

Without another word, Bea stood up, flexing the hand that surely ached. She then simply walked away, leaving Allie to pick a belligerent and bleeding Kaz up off the ground. _Fuck, now what?_

Later that day, while she was on cleaning service, Allie crossed the top of the stairs in time to see Bea and none other than fucking Jackson huddled on the next landing, deep in conversation. When Bea caught her staring, yet again, Allie rolled her eyes, pushing the cart away. _Seriously, again with this douche?_

Heavy footsteps followed behind her as Bea came running up the stairs. Of course Allie heard her the first time Bea called out, but she really wasn't in the mood. When Bea yelled her name again, Allie had just barely blurted out, "Yeah," when Bea caught up and yanked on her arm.

"You're coming with me," Bea demands dragging Allie towards the restroom.

"Jesus." Allie couldn't deny she liked it a little rough, but in a different context.

Though that didn't stop her nipples from hardening and that familiar ache to appear when Bea pushed her towards the wall and kicked everyone else out of the bathroom.

Once they were alone, Allie relied on her wit. "You do love roughing me up in the showers, don't ya?"

All business as usual, Bea ignores the blatant hint and says, "You take that back to Kaz, and there will be consequences...yeah?"

 _Oh, now she wants me to keep her dirty little secrets?_ Allie huffs, "You know, you could just say to me; you know, Allie, woman to woman, friend to friend..."

"You're not a friend of mine," Bea objects without a moments hesitation.

 _Ouch._ Keeping her smile, the one that can hide it all, Allie notes, "You don't rule by charm, do you Bea?" No, that wasn't Bea's style. She didn't just tell the women what they wanted to hear, she told her truth whether it made her friends or not. In this case, apparently not.

When she realized Bea wasn't going to reply to her pretty much rhetorical question, Allie finally told Bea what she wanted to hear. "I'm not going to say anything."

"Good." Bea's hot breath blowing across Allie's face _,_ close enough for Allie to close the gap and kiss the Top Dog senseless if she chose. Once again, wrong context.

After genuinely believing she was getting somewhere with Bea, Allie's feelings were hurt. So she said what she believed Bea should have. "Yeah, cheers Allie, no worries, I owe you one."

When Bea continued to walk away, Allie had to know. She was tired of second guessing herself, wondering if she was attempting to get to know someone who belonged to another. "Are you on with him?"

Bea questioned her without saying a word.

"Jackson, there's definitely something there," Allie clarified.

Bea stepped forward, started to say something, paused for a moment, then shook her head and said, "When my daughter died. He did something for me...he..."

As water dripped from the old pipes, Allie waited for her to finish, needed her to finish. Bea was finally showing raw emotions for the first time, always so guarded when Allie was around.

Bea came through, though she was pretty vague when she said, "He did me a favor. I'll never forget it." Allie just stared, taking in the information, until Bea finished with, "That's it."

 _Her daughter, of course._ Understanding and relief washed through Allie. Debbie's death was surely the most traumatizing event of Bea's life and would affect every decision she made from here on out. Jackson was actually there when Bea rid the world of Brayden Holt, now that Allie thought about it.

"Okay," Allie said aloud, leaving the _I can deal with that_ in her head.

Allie backed to the door, never taking her eyes off Bea. Not wanting to leave things on a serious note, Allie questions with a smirk, "So... no sex then? Good." Damn, did she ever want Bea, and sharing had never really been her thing. Not when feelings were involved.

Those same feelings led her to warn Bea about the revenge attack planned for Mr. Jackson, even when it meant going against her crew. If he meant that much to Bea, maybe they had it all wrong. Besides, being in Bea's good graces seemed like an excellent place to be, at least until Allie made it to her bed.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N I probably won't make many Author Notes, because honestly I tend to skip over everyone else's, but I just wanted to thank all the Ballie lovers for following this story, and for the kind reviews. This was just an idea I had to feed my obsession, and I am thoroughly enjoying getting into Allie's head. Oh, I also feel I should mention, I don't personally have a problem with Jackson, but I can see how Allie would. Jealousy is a bitch! BALLIE4LIFE ***

Allie remained confident that warning Bea was the right thing to do, even after Kaz jumped all over her after the botched attack. She expected the scrutiny, so she had come up with a hopefully believable story about getting pulled in for a random drug test. What Allie didn't expect, the one thing she never anticipated was the screws dragging a kicking and screaming Bea Smith past the other prisoner after she knocked the shit out of Mr. Jackson.

What parallel universe had Allie fallen into? Without knowing Bea's motives, and even with Allie starting to soften towards Jackson, she still wished she could have seen that shit. From the looks of it, Bea went all Femme Fatale on him. _Fucking hot,_ Allie mused.

With Bea in the slot things went to hell quickly. Girls were getting feisty. Hell, even the new girl pressed the forbidden panic button, when Juice and "her boys" tried to attack her in the showers. It was easy to see just how much control Bea actually had, when in her absence fights broke out over random shit like bacon.

The drama seemed to please the Freak, who told Allie, "It's like a jolt of oxygen. The Top Dog is in the slot, the woman can finally breathe."

"She'll be out soon enough," Allie defends, not wanting the Freak to get any, say, freaky ideas.

Though Ferguson continued to speak to her as if they were friends, Allie didn't really want any part of it. When Allie sat on the couch in their block, book in hand, planning on a relaxing afternoon, she was asked where Kaz was like it was any of the Freak's business. Allie had enough.

"Her Dad just died, she wants to be alone." Allie stretched out on the couch, picking up her book. Hell, she wanted to be alone too, and as far as she knew her Dad was still alive.

"She did seem a bit discombobulated out in the yard."

Allie couldn't hide her distaste, even if she tried. "Yeah," she acknowledged, before she returned to her book.

"Were they close?"

 _Damn, wasn't opening a book the universal sign for leave me the hell alone?_

"I'll give you some advice, Joanie, never ask Kaz about her old man." Allie raised the book even higher, effectively blocking herself from the Freak.

With everything in chaos, it was really no surprise when the bunk inspection began. Allie wasn't concerned, she had nothing to worry about. Until that fucking screw came out of her room with a bag of gear. Before he could say a word, Allie argued, "Bullshit, that's not mine."

Having been clean for so long, and knowing how Kaz feels about the shit, Allie headed towards her surrogate mother. "Kaz..." When the officer grabbed Allie, she tried to jerk free. "Get the fuck off me. Kaz, it's not mine," Allie insisted. Surely Kaz believed her.

When the screw got more aggressive and began to manhandle her, Allie screamed out in pain, "Ow!" Flailing around, she continues to yell, "Fuck off!"

When the officer tried to subdue her with a choke-hold, Allie bit into his arm. This wasn't her first rodeo.

When the first guard ducked away in pain, another screw caught Allie off guard and pinned her arms behind her back. Still kicking and screaming as he drug her away, Allie tried one more time to reach out to her mother. "Kaz, it's not mine," Allie begged her to understand, but Kaz didn't say a word.

Just before Allie was drug out of Kaz's sight, she looked at Ferguson in time to catch her smirk. _Wait, what?_

Allie continued to yell as they drug her into the isolation cell. Admittedly her little show might be the reason they had such a painful grip on her, but she was too pissed too stop. "You're hurting me. It's not my shit, you fucking pricks."

As they threw her into the slot, she tried one more time to yell, "It wasn't my gear," but they just told her to shut up and slammed the door. Leaving her all alone. Sober, since it really wasn't her fucking gear, but still all alone. No one trusted a former junkie.

Allie didn't know how long she sat by herself on the edge of the thin cot trying to figure out why exactly the Freak would do this to her. Surely, it was the Freak. Being in Kaz's crew, and having at the very least a solid acquaintanceship with Bea, Allie didn't really have any enemies, at least not ones that would do this.

She was still trying to figure it out when Bridget, the prison psychologist, came through the door. Allie wasn't impressed. Bridget was cute and all but, she was no Bea and Allie didn't do therapy.

Instead, Allie jumped up and walked towards the window she was barely tall enough to see out. "I don't need to see you."

"My presence is mandatory I'm afraid."

Allie spun around, "And I don't suppose you'd give a shit if I tell you the drugs weren't mine."

"Okay, look Allie, you do have a history with addiction."

Allie groaned but looked Bridget straight in the eye and said loud and clear,"I'm not using again."

"I believe you." Bridget agreed, if not just to pacify Allie. "But it can be a struggle to stay sober and I have some strategies that can help you..." Allie rolled her eyes before walking back to her bed and climbing in. Bridget raised her voice to finish "Prevent slipping back into addiction."

Allie rolled her eyes again. W _hat don't people get?_ "I don't need them. I got my own strategies, and they work just fine for me."

"Do you mind sharing them with me?" Bridget asked, as smoothly as Allie thought was possible.

 _Jesus, does this stuff really work on people?_ Allie guessed it did as she found herself answering, "Bea Smith."

"Aha, her anti-drug policy. So, is it the fear of the Top Dog's wrath that keeps you clean?"

Allie laughed, thought about what Bridget really said, then laughed again. "Shit no, it's not fear."

Getting serious for a moment, Allie continued. "It's her strength. What she did was a real inspiration to us, I've never seen anything like it." It was the truth. That drive to fight back, despite the circumstances, sealed the deal for Allie; Bea Smith was the poster woman for redemption, an inspiration to women everywhere if not just the Red Right Hand.

"I'm not sure I can use a convicted murderer as a role model for my counseling sessions, but I'm glad it worked for you," said Bridget, part of that civilized society Allie knew wouldn't understand.

So, Allie just laughed and said, "Good, I can keep it to myself then, our hot little secret." When in doubt, always fall back on flirtation.

Some time later, while Allie was eating dinner on her bed, a throaty voice she would know anywhere asked, "If they weren't your drugs then whose were they?"

 _Fuck!_ Allie's body froze, but her mind went a million different ways at once, and she finally choked out, "Bea, you're in the next slot?"

"No, I'm in a penthouse overlooking the beach. Yeah, I'm in the next slot."

Allie's mind scrambled as she tried to remember everything she had just said to Bridget. Putting her tray down, she got up and walked to the vent before squatting beside it.

She must have taken too long to answer because Bea spoke again. "You told Westfall it wasn't your gear."

It had been days since Allie talked to Bea and she had more pressing things to discuss than that fucking gear. "You know, I gave you the heads-up to save Mr. Jackson from getting a bashing, not so you could give him a beating."

"Yeah, can you just answer my fucking question," Bea snips. _Ooh, sore subject._

"It was planted in my cell, I think by Ferguson. Do you believe me?" Allie hated how small her voice got just then, but the lost little girl inside her needed someone to believe in her. No, scratch that, she needed Bea to believe in her.

"Do you think that Ferguson knows you told me about the attack on Mr. Jackson?"

"I don't know. I think she just wants me out of the way so she can get a clear run at Kaz."

"Why? She's already got Kaz in her corner."

Allie shrugs, not that Bea can see her, and says, "I don't know. You know her better than I do."

If she had listened to Bea earlier, would she be in this mess now? Who knows, Allie surmised.

"So, what is it with you and Kaz? Why would you get involved with someone like that?"

Allie instantly took offense. "Someone like that?" In Allie's own eyes, she was someone like that.

Bea didn't back down, and instead said, "Yeah," encouraging Allie to just answer the question.

Allie exhaled loudly and sat back, her mind going to a different time. She wasn't sure she could put into words what Kaz meant to her, but she could try. "Because she was kind to me. Because she's the only person that has ever given a shit about me. I was at a women's shelter where Kaz was volunteering and I was a mess. She took me under her wing, and she got me off the gear. She held my head, and wiped the toilet when I spewed. She cleaned me up when I shat myself. I love her. I owe her my life."

Bea didn't have to like it, but Allie hoped she understood. When Bea made no objections, Allie considered the subject dropped.

After they sat in silence for some time, Allie heard a couple almost knocks on the wall before Bea spoke again. "I'm not who you think I am. Killing Brayden Holt wasn't an act of strength, it was hatred. Pure revenge...how's that for inspiring?"

"But it was. It was," Allie insists. Hell, even Bea didn't get why she was so amazing.

Bea scoffed loudly. "God, I don't want to be the reason you don't shove crank into your veins, okay? I don't want that responsibility."

Fuck, she did hear everything. "Hey, all that stuff I said to Westfall...it was bullshit, you know?" Allie really didn't want to scare Bea away now, not when they were finally getting somewhere. "You got to give the shrink something to get them off your back, right?"

"Sure," Bea thankfully agreed.

As the night went on, they talked about everything from her Dad kicking her out when he found out she was a lesbian who worked as a prostitute, to how she survived on the streets, with Bea nicknaming her AllieCat. _AllieCat, huh?_ Allie figured she liked that, especially coming out of Bea's mouth.

Though they were locked in the slot, away from everyone else, and not even allowed to see each other, Allie had one of the best nights of her life. Rapping a ridiculous bar about "Motherfucking ho, go with the flow, bitches be mean."

"Cuz we're wearing green," Bea finishes. At that, Allie laughed hysterically. Bea questioned with childlike wonder, "What?"

Allie cackled and said, "It's teal, dickhead."

They continued to talk as the sun rose, Allie having made a pallet on the floor in front of the vent, hours ago. When Bea opened up about her daughter, telling a cute story about a snail motel, Allie felt her heart expand.

When Debbie was involved, shit just got real, and Allie just had to know. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me more about Debbie."

"What do you want to know?" Bea asked.

"Everything," and the thing was Allie meant it. She could listen to Bea talk about anything, but when she talked about Debbie, damn, each story held so much love, so much meaning, it was beautiful.

Allie wasn't sure when she passed out, but she woke when Bridget opened the squeaky door and leaned above her spot on the floor. "Morning, you'll be spending the day in the psych ward today, Allie" Bridget happily greeted, like she was offering tickets to Disneyland. What a way to wake up.

"Why?" Allie asked, for a moment forgetting the events that led her to the slot in the first place.

"Relax, its standard procedure following an officer assault, come on." _Oh yeah, that._

As they passed Bea's room, it was like slow motion, only it wasn't slow enough as Allie finally got to see the woman that was slowly seeping into her veins. Their eyes locked as both smiled. Allie could have fainted.

What she had before was like a celebrity crush, okay maybe a celebrity obsession, but this, this was something else entirely. Allie had never been so swept away, so deeply involved with someone without even having kissed them. And the thing was, she wouldn't trade a night like last night with Bea, for any of the nights she had with women in the past, no matter how many times she came. This was more than a physical attraction. She felt Bea in her soul, and it was starting to scare the shit out of her.

After spending an enlightening day in psych, Allie came back eager to talk to Bea. She fidgeted nervously at the door, watching the guard walk away. When he was finally gone, Allie called out to Bea a couple of times with no response, before she started to rap, "Yo, DJ AllieCat, Wiggity Whack, Novac emcee, calling out to Bea, prison rap Queen, how you been? Yo."

When Bea still didn't respond, Allie damn near begs, "Bea, why won't you talk to me...Bea?"

"Shut the fuck up will ya, I'm trying to sleep...and so is Juice," Bea roared, like a knife in Allie's heart.

Allie's head fell back, as she sat on the floor in shock. After she thought about it a minute, that might have been code from Bea, but fuck if it didn't still hurt. After the night they shared, going backwards pained her more than Allie anticipated.

Allie lay her head back against the cool concrete, berating herself for her Bea-induced excitement. What did she really expect? One night talking to Bea, and suddenly all her dreams would come true? Life wasn't a fairy-tale, especially not Allie's. Allie sighed, resigning herself to another lonely night. This life she knew too well.


	5. Chapter 5

As her time in the slot ended, Allie met Jackson at the open door, not knowing what to think. The past few days had her feelings all over the place. She had been up and down so much, it was like she was a Catholic trying to get through Mass.

Once Allie stepped out the door she felt Bea's pull. Turning her head just slightly, she caught Bea's intense gaze. This time it was Bea who couldn't seem to look away. The way Bea looked at her, like she really saw her, like she really wanted to see her, did remarkable things for Allie's ego, and the apex of her thighs. For the first time in what felt like forever, Allie's smile reached her eyes.

The high wore off by the time she reached H3. Allie was going through her things, placing items in a basket, when Kaz appeared in the doorway.

 _Let_ ' _s get this over with._ Allie sighed, turning to face Kaz. "Go on then, ask me."

"Are you back on the gear?"

"I'm pinned, look at me. Fuck, Kaz" Allie muttered. _Doesn't anyone around here know what sober looks like?_

Kaz put her hands up in surrender. "I had to ask."

Allie scanned her doorway to make sure she didn't have any Freaky eavesdroppers, then looked outside her bunk real quick before she shut the door.

If she could talk to anyone it should be Kaz after everything they had been through together, so Allie confided, "I think Ferguson planted it on me."

Kaz's eyebrows scrunched up. "Why would she do that?"

"Well someone did, and she doesn't like me."

"It wasn't her. She's one of us. I'm starting to see how Bea Smith and Jackson could have stitched her up."

Allie stepped away and resumed rifling across her desk, this time throwing shit in her basket. _Again with the anti-Bea propaganda?_

"Are you okay?" Kaz gently asked.

Allie wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and explained, "I just don't see why you trust her."

"Because there's another side to her."

Allie nodded, she believed they called that Bipolar Disorder.

"You're still my number one. It's so good to have you back." Kaz embraced Allie, kissing her on the cheek before saying, "Welcome home."

Allie couldn't agree. She wasn't so sure it was good to be back. Isn't home supposed to be where your heart is?

When she left her room, she met the Freak's dead gaze with hardened eyes of her own.

All the women were in the yard, when the chanting started. "Snitch, snitch, snitch," the crowd roared, circling the new girl who rocked back and forth in the fetal position beside the wall.

Allie, who sat at a picnic table with Kaz and the rest of their girls, stayed out of it. Everyone knew you didn't press the button, regardless of how fucked you were about to be. Yet, Allie couldn't blame her for doing it. Fuck, who wouldn't stop themselves from being raped by pushing a button. If it were only that easy.

Doreen pushed her way through the crowd and looked at Bea like she expected her to do something. Hell, Allie expected her to do something too. Bea just shrugged at Doreen, like she wasn't bothered by the scene.

Doreen ran to the girl and pushed her hoodie back, exposing her dirty, messed up face, and her damn near scalped head.

 _What the actual fuck?_

Doreen looked around the circle, questioning the chanting women. "Who did this?"

"I did," Bea answered, and the shock on Doreen's face matched how Allie felt.

Her Bea did this? Her inspiration, her avenger of women, her potential future...did _this_? Allie couldn't reconcile the horrible person who would do this with the wonderful woman she knew. _There has to be an explanation,_ Allie tried to soothe her aching heart.

No one said a word as the loudspeaker announced yard time was over.

It really wasn't a shock when the young "snitch" Tasha tried to kill herself. Her life was already fucked being in prison. Then she almost got gang-raped. As payback for pushing the button, she gets threatened by Maxine and a steam press. The bullying is non-stop, and finally Bea almost scalps her. Anybody who wouldn't try to kill themselves after all that, might be a cyborg.

Allie knew Bea. She knew what made her tick, and she knew what would stop making her tick. When she couldn't find Bea after she heard about Tasha, Allie began to panic.

She approached Bea's usual table, where she found Maxine, Boomer, Liz, and Doreen, but no Bea. "Where's Bea?"

"Not sure," Maxine answers pleasantly though the mood at the table was not a joyful one.

Doreen adds, "Yeah, good question."

"Does she know about Tasha?" Allie asked, unable to hide her concern.

"Yeah," Boomer mumbles.

Not good, Allie figured, as she took off to resume her search. When she opened Bea's door, it was worse than she imagined.

A heavily breathing Bea sat on the floor with her pants around her knees, a bloody knife in her hand, and ugly, raw wounds on her precious inner thighs. She gasped when she realized Allie was there, but seemed unable to do anything but moan in pain.

Allie knew pain. She had spent years experiencing nothing but pain, both physically and emotionally. The sounds coming out of Bea weren't because her leg hurt, but because her soul hurt.

Bea didn't fight when Allie took the shiv from her hand and tossed it behind them. She then reached over Bea to grab a washcloth, before walking to the sink. Bea barely moved, her head in her hands as she continued to make gut-wrenching, sorrowful sounds.

When Allie approached with the washcloth, Bea mumbled something incomprehensible, but once again didn't fight. Allie handed her the cloth, but Bea barely laid it on her leg. Allie closed in, put her hand on top of Bea's, and held tight. She needed Bea to know she wasn't going anywhere, they would get through this, together.

Though pained Bea was suffering, Allie felt a sense of relief at being right. Bea was not an abuser, she was a survivor, even when surviving meant doing things that she wasn't built to do, like torturing a basically innocent young woman. With the things Bea had to do to remain Top Dog, it was a wonder she held it together at all.

Allie understood wanting to regain power, to have control over something in your life when everything else spun out. Although she had never cut herself, Allie knew self harm, and finding comfort in the harshest ways. Her teenage years started at the bottom of a bottle, and Allie had graduated to coke by the time her peers graduated high school. Her downward spiral didn't stop until years after she started shooting up heroin.

Allie knew the circumstances weren't the same, but damn if the emotions behind it weren't. Rock bottom is rock bottom. Knowing exactly what Bea needed, Allie just lay on her shoulder and held her tight. Bea washed away both their sorrows with the tears streaming down her face. Neither of them ever said a word, sometimes you can say more in silence than you can with 1000 words.

In the days that followed, the rumors flew and members of Kaz's crew doubled down on their anti-Bea rhetoric, though it seemed they weren't the only ones. Bea's own crew, Doreen in particular, had a hard time getting over the choices Bea had to make. When Doreen flipped out on Bea at dinner, before joining Allie and the girls at Kaz's table, everything changed.

A line had been drawn that might be impossible to break. There were two sides here, and everyone would have to make a choice. Allie's heart sunk. How was she supposed to choose between the woman she loved, and the woman she was falling in love with?


	6. Chapter 6

A/N I probably never should have said I'm not going to do author notes, because here I go again. Between here and Facebook, I have seen a lot of people with the same problems as me, not enough Ballie fanfic out there! That is actually why I started writing this to begin with. Choosing Ballie over other fandoms because we need this! Here's the thing. This story is canon. For now anyways, I'm only going as far as the show. With that being said, I am off work on medical leave and I have no life. This story would be caught up with the show if my girlfriend wasn't on vacation. I only have three episodes left to cover, which will probably be done in time for episode 11. So four chapters, and then after Tue or Wed I wont have anything to say for another week. Unacceptable. So here is my call to you, Ballie readers. Let's hear some prompts. Everyone keeps looking for stories, what kind of stories would you like to read? I can't promise that I will take every one, or that they will be any good, but I can sure try...Let me know! ***

Allie had thought of little else since the evening she found out Bea's darkest secret. The hidden pain Bea tried to relieve by marring that tender skin. Fuck, Bea's suffering tore at Allie's heart. This woman, this amazing woman that Allie had put on a pedestal like some kind of untouchable Goddess, was completely human after all.

Allie made a couple trades to acquire the lotion she knew Bea needed. No one asked her what it was for, not that she would have told them if they did. Bea's pain was her pain, and Allie selfishly liked being the only one who saw Bea's weakness, rather than the faked constant show of strength.

She had been searching for Bea for a good half hour, when she finally caught up to her on the stairs. "Bea, hey, I've been looking for you."

Bea gave only the slightest smile in acknowledgment, as Allie slid up beside her as close as she dared. Reaching into her pocket, Allie pulled the contents out slowly and held it out to Bea. "Vitamin E."

Bea took it from her, though her eyes showed she didn't know why. Allie explained, "for your scarring."

Bea mumbled "thanks," and bit on her lip with an almost awkward smile plastered on her face.

"You alright?" Allie wondered.

"Yeah, just...oh stuff you know." Bea shifted, as if the act of remaining cool, calm, and collected was becoming too much for her. Allie bet it was, damn Bea was really in the thick of things.

"Well, if it's Doreen, don't worry about it. There are plenty of other people who care about you." In fact it took all the willpower Allie possessed to not just take Doreen's seat at Bea's table after the dining room showdown. What a two-faced bitch.

Bea smiled, and looked like she wanted to say something before someone came down the stairs. "Yeah," was all Bea managed before she walked away.

Allie sighed before walking on. Nothing good happened overnight.

With Kaz's lawyer talking months instead of years, the tension in H3 damn near disappeared. To the girls of the RRH, the drama at Wentworth became almost trivial when they thought this wouldn't be their life.

It might not be Allie's world for long, but it sure was Bea's. For that, Allie continued to care immensely. Taking care of Bea felt like second nature, and Allie couldn't help the foolish dream of being Bea's wife one day. Coming home after a hard days work and soaking in the tub together by candlelight, drinking cheap wine and laughing at their blissful domesticity. Allie wasn't crazy, nor was she stupid, she knew what Bea's life sentence meant, but you can't blame a girl for wishing things could be different.

Allie felt lighter than she had in awhile when she scooped an extra helping of green gunk on Bea's tray, with a large smile on the side.

"More spinach, you shouldn't have," Bea teased, her own smile just as big as Allie's.

"Don't argue it's good for you." Allie smirked as Bea walked away. God, could she think of many things that would be good, or more than likely amazing, for the both of them.

Of course, the good vibes didn't last long when Doreen decided to confront Bea about that damn panic button. Doreen had some balls. Allie had heard stories about all the things Bea had done, not only for Doreen, but for the rest of their crew. How dare Doreen put her on the spot like that in front of everyone. Allie agreed the rule was fucked, and she imagined Bea did too, but what was the Top Dog supposed to do when disrespected by, well, an underling?

Bea always fought when backed into a corner, therefore it wasn't all that surprising when she demanded that the rule stay in place. What did surprise Allie, though it probably shouldn't have, was when the panic buttons rang out in solidarity that night. Ringing in their ears and a coup in their hearts. This couldn't end well.

When Allie finally got a chance to talk to Bea the next day at dinner she simply asked, "Are you alright?"

"What are the women saying?" Bea asked in way of response.

"Who cares?" Allie whispered. Fuck, the women said a lot of things, that didn't make them right.

"I do." Of course she does. She wouldn't be Bea Smith if she didn't.

 _Fine_. "They reckon Doreen did the right thing," Allie said with a slight eye-roll. How could turning your back on Bea be the right thing? She couldn't fathom it.

Bea never got a chance to respond as Kaz, not known for her tact, antagonizes from across the room, "Hey Bea, I just wanted to clarify. Panic button rule is out the window, yeah?"

Most girls snickered, while some looked terrified. Bea, well, Bea just looked pissed. Allie's discomfort grew as she looked back and forth between her cheerfully challenging Mother and her... Allie drew a blank. She couldn't say lover, they weren't there yet. But friend seemed to diminish how far they had come. Regardless of what she called her, fuck, this wasn't going to be pretty.

"The rule stays," Bea says firmly, leaving no room for questions.

Yet, Kaz still asked, "Really? It seems the women have spoken."

"Last night was an accident. Anyone tries that shit again and they will have me to deal with."

Kaz wasn't going to let it go. "Alright, you hear that ladies? What Queen Bea says goes, even if its not what the majority wants."

"Shut the fuck up, Kaz!" Bea booms. Funny, Allie was thinking the same thing.

The lunchroom breaks out in half-hushed conversations, and a bunch of shit talking. It only took a few seconds before Bea slammed her tray on the counter, food erupting off her plate, like the anger coming from deep inside her.

"Alright, listen up. If you have a problem with the rules, then lets get it out in the open. Hmm? If you don't want a Top Dog anymore then speak up." Bea paced, her red curls bouncing around as she demanded control of the room, and Allie's libido. _Damn that woman was hot_.

"Come on, lets vote." Bea threw her arms up in challenge. "Hands up. Let's take a vote right now. Who doesn't want a Top Dog?"

Kaz, leaned back in her chair, eating her apple without a care in the world asked, "Then what? They get shivved?"

 _Is she serious right now?_

Bea must have thought the same thing because she snickered and said, "No, no repercussions at all."

"I don't believe you."

"Just shut up, Kaz," Bea spat.

"Alright, you really want to do this?" Kaz stood up. "We'll have to do a blind ballot. Every woman gets their say. No intimidation."

"Suits me."

Allie wondered if it was just her, or if Bea was being awfully agreeable? She tuned out as they sorted the specifics of the vote, and just kept her eye on Bea. Allie knew what her vote would be. She would love to keep Bea on top. Though if Bea were to want to be her bottom, Allie wouldn't object.

Drawing her out of her musings, and voicing Allie's concern at the same time, Max asked Bea, "You sure about this?"

"It's the only way I can shut it down," Bea hissed.

Maxine asked the million dollar question. "Yeah, and what if you lose?"

Bea must not have had an answer, because she stormed away, leaving Allie's stomach and heart both twisting in the wind.

When the votes came in, leaving Bea as the Top Dog, all hell broke loose between the crews.

Bea listened for a minute, before shouting, "Shut up! We're done. I don't want to hear any more crap out of anyone, ya hear? It's over," Bea said with finality, before adding, "And get your asses back to work."

Allie knew that wouldn't be the end of it, and wasn't surprised when she overheard the Freak later that morning, telling Kaz, "She needs to be taken down."

"Forget about it. I got my sentencing today, and if I get out so do my girls. I'm not jeopardizing that."

Allie was only half relieved. Not wanting to go after Bea, and not wanting to get in more trouble were two completely different things.

Speaking of Bea, Allie really needed to see her. So much had happened in such a short time, and Allie hadn't had a chance for her Bea fix. She walks into Bea's room without knocking to find the top dog without her bottoms, and with the Vitamin E lotion in her hands. Allie smiled when Bea fumbled to cover herself with the blanket.

"What is with your timing? You always come in when I've got my pants down."

"Sorry, it's my sixth sense, I can hear pants dropping a mile away."

Bea sighed, apparently not in the right frame of mind for any jokes, let alone sex ones. Maybe it was a bad time.

"Look, I just came to congratulate you, but I'll uh..." Allie meant to say she would come back, but she couldn't look away from Bea's lap. Oh the secrets that blanket covered.

"No...no, come in. Let's pop a bottle of shampoo and celebrate," Bea snarked.

It only took one look at Bea's still stiff demeanor for the past few days to make sense to Allie. "Oh, shit." She went and sat in front of Bea. "You wished you lost."

Bea agreed without a word, and the two of them nodded at each other in understanding. Fuck, who would want that job with everything it costs?

"So...how is everything?" Allie knew Bea would understand what she meant. A place like Wentworth is trigger happy for anyone with any real issues.

Bea raised the blanket to show her healing left thigh. "It's better." She lifted the lotion in recognition and said thanks.

Allie took the lotion from Bea before kneeling before her. She ignored the panicked look on Bea's face as she opened the bottle and began to pour lotion on her fingertips. She slowly applied the cream to Bea's wounds, and basked in the feel of her fingers on Bea's thighs. The path to the promised land.

Before Allie's mind could get too carried away, Bea gripped her hand. Allie looked into Bea's wide eyes, and chuckled when Bea said, "I'm not gay."

Allie never expected any of this to be easy, but she also felt Bea trying to hide behind labels, behind what she knew. "I don't care what you are," Allie advised with a gentle smile.

This time, Bea didn't try to stop her, and let Allie continue her work; gentle fingers against harsh wounds, in various states of healing. Allie needed to comfort as much as Bea needed to be comforted. This woman...

The news that destroyed Kaz, the twelve years that didn't bode well for Allie's own future, was surprisingly the best news Allie had received for awhile. She had nothing on the outside, but here, locked away in this harsh world she had family, and more importantly Bea.

When said woman found her in the back of the kitchen, Allie couldn't hide her delight. Bea ran her fingers down the chain link fence and stopped, both hands gripping the wire. Allie's mind instantly went to Gia. Angelina Jolie and Elizabeth Mitchell, in possibly the hottest scene Allie had ever seen? Yes, please. Only lacking the camera, she wondered how many clothes she could shed before Bea freaked out.

"Oh, hi," Allie greets like she hadn't seen Bea in ages. Actually, no matter how long its been, it always feels like ages.

"H1 is out of milk."

"You just like hanging out with me," Allie teases.

"No, we're really out of milk."

"No, you really like hanging out with me," Allie insists, grasping Bea's hand through the fence.

Bea reached for the milk, but Allie wouldn't let go. Playing keep-away like a child. Enjoying their carefree moment.

"So, I heard about Kaz. Twelve years, that's pretty harsh."

"Yeah."

"So, what does that mean for you?"

"Well, you might have to get used to having me around." Allie grinned until Bea never lost her frown. "God, don't feel like you have to crack a smile or anything."

Bea shook her head like she was fighting off tears. _Hmm._

"No, I wouldn't wish this place on anyone."

When the silence started to get awkward, Bea snatched the milk and went to leave.

Allie figured now was as good of time as any. "I'm leaving Kaz's crew."

Bea spun around so fast, they nearly collided. "Why?"

Allie stepped forward, grabbing Bea's hand in her own gently. Tracing patterns on Bea's hand with her long fingers, Allie mumbled, "you know why."

Bea shook her head in the negative, though she hadn't jerked her hand away. "Nothing's going to happen between us."

"Okay...sure," Allie agreed verbally, but not really. One step at a time. "I'm going to be up front with her...tell her I'm joining you. I owe it to her."

Bea tore her hand away and whispered, "I got to go," before she took off.

Allie meant what she said, and went directly to Kaz's room when she got off work. Kaz was picking things off the ground, remnants of her rampage.

"Hey," Allie greets. "We all heard the news." She stepped forward, pulling Kaz into a big hug. Regardless of what was about to happen, she loved this woman. "I'm so sorry," Allie soothes, still latched on.

"No, I'm sorry, baby. You know what this means for you girls, don't ya?"

"Yep," Allie agrees as she backs away from the hug. "Better make ourselves at home."

Kaz snickered and kissed her cheek before pushing her softly and concluding, "you're an idiot." Hopefully that would be the worst thing Kaz calls her when Allie breaks her news.

Kaz wiped at the tears running down her face, as she tried to navigate around her room. "Fucking mess in here, eh." Kaz rambles as she bends down to pick things up.

Allie took a deep breath before she sucked it up and said, "Uh, Mom, I need to talk to you about something." It took her a few to regain her composure before she added, "Bea Smith."

Kaz turned towards her, but before Allie could continue, Bea came up behind her. "Yeah, I was telling Allie I wanted a word with you."

All three women looked back and forth between the four eyes in the room that weren't theirs, before Bea snips at Allie, "Well, can you give us a minute?"

Allie just walked away. What else could she do? What the fuck was going on around here?

She stood shell-shocked, waiting for Bea. When the red head finally came out of Kaz's room, she mumbled to Allie as she walked past. "You are not to say anything."

Now, Allie is the dirty little secret? She has to admit she likes that better than it being Jackson. Something didn't make sense though, so she asked, "Why? What are you afraid of?"

"Meet me in the kitchen, ten minutes," is all Bea would say, before she was gone as fast as she came.

Eight minutes later, Allie met Bea in the kitchen, next to their Gia fence. Aggravated, she asks, "Why did you stop me from telling her?"

"Because its too dangerous. I'll be even more of a target for Kaz and the Freak. And that's fine, I'm used to that, but I don't want you getting caught up in the crossfire."

"I'm not scared," Allie assured. "I got you to protect me," she says, stepping closer into Bea's space.

"No," Bea argues, adamantly shaking her head. "Everyone I care about ends up dead."

For Allie time stood still. It could have been seconds, it could have been hours, but Bea finally said what Allie wanted to hear, and she had to soak it all in. Then she had to confirm. "What did you say... you care about me?"

Bea sighed and went to move around her. "We should get back for the count."

Allie couldn't let her go, not now, maybe not ever. She grabbed Bea's arm and spun her around, Allie's pulse beating erratically as her body hummed. Allie's skin tingled where they touched and she felt Bea tremble against their force.

Grip strong, yet soft, Allie notes, "you're shaking."

"It's cold," Bea tries.

"It's not cold," Allie whispered, afraid to break the moment. Scared to kiss Bea, but more scared not to. With all the courage she could muster, Allie closed the gap between their lips. Their first kiss; gentle and sweet, yet so raw. Though she could have stayed attached to those succulent lips for the rest of her natural life, Allie didn't want to rush this. She met Bea's eyes as she slowly backed away. "Now we can go."

Their first kiss was more than what Allie ever could have hoped for. She had imagined the scene so many times, and until recently she always saw Bea running away. Leading Bea to love was like the art of cooking frogs. Bea had to be immersed in it, basking in its warmth before she realized the danger, too weak to fight it anymore. Allie would go as slow as Bea needed, after all they had nothing but time.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N So, as I am sure you will notice, the first part never actually happened, but like TopDog001 and I agreed this morning, there has to be something we missed between their first kiss, and their first supply closet make-out. This first part being my idea on what could have led them from one point to another. Then I also added a few lines to the end of the first make-out, because it cut off so abruptly. Thanks again for all the reviews. And, Liam, I couldn't respond to your review, but I love that prompt. I got a few things going now, and then I think I would like to try that one. Sounds hot! ***

Allie was pleasantly surprised when Bea didn't shun her after their breathtaking first kiss. Allie knew in her heart there was no coming back from that, but the wounded woman inside feared the worst. It seemed she had nothing to worry about, constantly reassured by the depth of Bea's eyes, and the wistfulness of the smile that surely had the power to right almost any wrong. Allie's domesticity even continued when she again ensured Bea got the right amount of vegetables, much to Bea's amusement.

The only problem they faced was getting time alone. It was damn near impossible to carry on a secret relationship, of any sort, in a place where you couldn't even pee in peace. Longing looks were fine and dandy but, Allie needed more, so much more. For starters, she needed to taste Bea's mouth again.

Days later, too long after Allie first felt those lips on hers, Bea sent word through Maxine for Allie to meet her in the laundry fifteen minutes before night count.

Allie, whose heart hummed along with the rest of her, damn near skipped to the laundry. The only person she saw in the final hallway was Officer Miles, who smirked and said, "Going to wash those panties, Novak? Smith might need help with hers too."

Allie stared dumbfounded as the crazy screw laughed and kept walking. She stayed lost in thought, trying to figure out if Miles really meant what Allie thought she did as she opened the door and slowly walked in.

She didn't see Bea at first, the older woman hidden behind the steam press, and she jumped when Bea asked, "Are you okay, Allie?"

Allie couldn't say a word. Mind on overdrive, body on paralyze, Allie just stared at the woman who came out of the shadows like a ninja, the same way she had entered Allie's life and more recently her heart. Lost in Bea's smile, the one thing that could light up her entire existence, Allie wondered how she had ever survived without it.

"Allie?" Bea questioned a little louder, stepping towards her.

Allie shook her head, coming back to the now, and walked toward Bea. "Yeah, sorry. I saw Miles in the hallway."

"Yeah, I saw her too." Bea frowned. "Did she bother you?"

 _Her knight._ Allie swooned. "No, she just said something really weird."

"She is weird, but she's harmless," Bea assures.

"Does she...does she know about us?"

"What about _us_?" Bea teased, beckoning Allie towards her with a slight curl of her index finger.

Allie felt her face heat up. What the hell? Now Bea is the confident flirter and she's a chump? That couldn't stand.

"She seemed as concerned about the state of your panties as I am," Allie cooed back, delighting in Bea's sharp intake of breath." _Yep, still got it._

With a couple more steps, Allie finally stood before her Queen. "Hi," she whispers.

"Hi," Bea says even lower.

"I've missed you."

Bea giggled, "I just saw you at dinner."

"I mean like this," Allie grabbed Bea's hands, caressing the tops with both thumbs.

"I've...uh...I've missed you too," Bea agreed, looking away till Allie nudged their hands with her hip.

"Yeah?" Allie asked, insecurities on display.

"Yeah," Bea hums, minty breath tickling Allie's face.

"So...our kiss...it was okay?"

This time Allie was the stunned one when Bea grabbed her face and fused their lips together, tongue begging for entrance. Allie quickly obliged, and melted into Bea as gentle strokes became ferocious within seconds.

Bea pulled back when oxygen became a problem, both women left panting.

"That...that was..."

"Yeah," Allie agreed in a daze.

Too soon, Allie watched Bea's eyes trail towards the clock. "We got to go."

"When can I see you again?" Allie blurts out, louder than she intended.

"As soon as I can arrange a place, but Allie, no one can know. I meant what I said, being with me... being with me is dangerous, and I won't have you hurt."

Allie could have said she was a big girl, or that she would follow Bea into an active volcano, but she figured now wasn't the time. Instead she offered, "what about the kitchen? The girls all leave by 1:30, so we can meet at 1:35"

"It's a date," Bea agreed before pecking Allie on the lips, and heading to H1 for count.

Allie stood in bliss, barely resisting the urge to pinch herself, before she finally headed to H3. No sense in getting grounded, she had a date.

The next afternoon came, and Allie couldn't keep her eyes off the clock. She was bouncing on her heels by the time her friends threw their aprons down, leaving her the mess. She didn't have it in her to care, not when it was 1:34.

Allie was mopping, when Bea suddenly stood before her and gestured like, okay, now what? Allie nodded towards the equipment room; like she wasn't freaking the hell out on the inside, like her stomach wasn't on fire, and her heart wasn't somewhere near her pelvis, maybe chasing the pulse in her crotch.

Bea met her eyes and then backed into the room, shutting the door behind her like Allie wouldn't be a heartbeat behind. When Allie reopened it, they stared at each other in awe for a moment, like this was the first time they had ever seen each other. Maybe in some ways it was.

Despite Bea's kiss from the day before, Allie knew she had to take the lead, to hold it together for the both of them, and make this as least awkward as possible. She started by joking, "So, you can see...uh...I made the equipment room real nice for you."

"You shouldn't have."

In the silence that followed, Bea leaned forward so slightly that Allie would have missed it had she not been staring. Allie took the sign she had been waiting for. She reached out, putting her left hand behind Bea's head and pulled her forward.

Their kiss started out tentative, but within seconds it heated up. Bea was kissing her back so eagerly that Allie cupped Bea's breast without thinking about it. Bea started to giggle, putting her head down like the blushing virgin she in many ways was.

God, how was it possible that a woman Bea's age had never properly been serviced? Even this, the beginnings of a proper make-out, had Bea burying her face in her hands and repeatedly saying she was sorry, having Allie saying the same.

Allie didn't want her to run, so she gently held onto Bea's elbow, and soothed, "It's too soon for that, I got it." Unlike the bastard before her she wouldn't do anything to make Bea uncomfortable.

Allie's heart soared and her head swelled when Bea firmly says, "No...no, it's not too soon. But I don't know what to do." Bea tried to lower her eyes, years of sexual oppression shining through.

Allie bumped her and smiled gently. First time jitters Allie understood. In many ways, this was Allie's first time too. She could slow down, just being here with Bea was enough, for now.

"Okay, do you just want to sit down for a bit?"

Bea quit staring at Allie's lips long enough to agree, "Yeah...yeah, that'd be good."

They sat together slowly, and Bea kept reaching out to touch her as if she was making sure Allie was real. _Oh I'm real, honey, and so is this._

Unsure of what came next, Allie asks, "So, how's your day been? Dispense any justice?"

Bea snickers, before uneasily questioning, "If...if I want to just talk, that's going to be okay?"

Allie was quick to assure her. "No, no, it is. Of course it is."

Their eyes danced around each other, before meeting, then dancing around again.

Allie leaned forward, face near flush with Bea's and asked, "So, what were you into before all of this?"

"Hmm, what do you mean?" Bea asked like she was oblivious, though her embarrassed face told a different story.

Allie ran her fingers up Bea's arm and tucked them under her rolled up sleeves, slowly stroking Bea's inner elbow. "What do you think I mean?"

Bea sputters out, "I...don't know. What were you into?"

"I was into you." Allie lunged forward, their lips melting together. Allie lost in the wonder of Bea, once again found her hands on Bea's tits. Who could blame her? They are _really_ nice tits.

Bea once again pulled back, this time throwing her hands up in the air. "Aah, all of a sudden, I feel like I have two left hands."

"Okay, alright, let's cut a deal. Just kissing...no hands, left or right."

Bea smiled softly, and agreed, "okay."

Had Bea seen the no hands game that Carmen pulled on Shane on the L Word, Allie's idea wouldn't have brought so much relief. As it was, Allie behaved herself and she pressed her wandering hands into Bea's instead of roaming that muscular body.

Still in awe, Allies mumbles, "My god, I can't believe we're doing this."

"I know, I spent the whole of lunch trying not to look at you."

"I've wanted to touch you since the first day we met," Allie finally felt confident to say out loud.

"Really?" Bea asked, like she didn't own a mirror, like she wasn't aware of how spectacular she was, like maybe she thought Allie flirted for fun rather than attraction.

"Really. Trust me when I say there is nowhere else I'd rather be."

1:35 quickly became Allie's favorite time, as their "date" became a daily one. Bea's confidence grew every time they met, and it was getting harder for Allie to stop her hands with Bea's intensity burning into her.

One day, as they started to quickly get carried away, Bea backs up but is reluctant to stop her kisses as she motions and says, "Time...time...time-out. I got to go." Bea groans and kisses Allie hard before she insists, "I really got to go, but this time it's not an excuse, I really got to go."

Bea went to side-step her, but Allie grasped her arms, pulling Bea back into her. "Just twenty more seconds," she husks in Bea's ear.

"Okay, okay, ten," Bea breathes as Allie placed cool kisses on her hot neck. Allie ran her hands up Bea's abdomen, delighting when Bea's stomach twitched beneath her.

As much as Allie loved their time alone, it wasn't enough. She wondered if she saw Bea 24/7 for the rest of her life, if even that would be enough. _Probably not._ Her hands continued her ascent towards Bea's breasts as Allie asked, "You actually working towards telling anyone? Or do you think we are going to stay in here forever, making out in the closet."

Bea gasps, but to be fair that could be from the sensations Allie is purposefully dragging out of her. "It's difficult for me," Bea tries.

"It's not exactly easy for me," Allie husks in her ear, nibbling on the cartilage. "I'd be telling my entire crew I'm with the person who shopped us, so..."

Bea jerked away from Allie, pushed Allie's hands from underneath her shirt, and hurried to cover herself, hurt evident on her face. "What...what?"

"Kaz reckons you shopped us."

"Okay, I don't give a fuck about what she thinks. What do you think?"

"Dunno, but if you didn't who did?" Allie tried to close the distance Bea had hastily made, and grab Bea's hand. She legit did not care. If she wasn't at Wentworth, she wouldn't be here with Bea now. Priorities, you know?

Bea pushed Allie's hands away, concern etched into her face. "Well...I got no idea."

"Okay, it doesn't matter to me."

"Oh, no...hang on. I don't know anything about it, okay?" She asked Allie, harshly, Top Dog coming out to play.

"Okay," Allie agreed.

"No, you don't believe me."

"Bea, it doesn't matter to me," Allie tried again.

"Well, it matters to me. I didn't do it."

"Okay, fine."

Bea shook her head and began to walk away, their 20 seconds long over anyways. She flung open the door and stepped into the kitchen, only stopping when Allie called out for her.

"Hey..."

Bea turned around, though her facial expression hadn't changed.

"Same time tomorrow?"

Bea looked at her, but didn't say a word.

"Come on," Allie encouraged.

"I'll think about it," Bea said, her gorgeous lips still curled in distaste as she stomped off.

"You're so going to be here." Allie called after her. Bea didn't turn around, but Allie knew she was right. Their first lovers quarrel was no match for fate.


	8. Chapter 8

When Bea caught Allie's eyes at lunch and gave her a hot little smirk, Allie knew their disagreement wasn't going to ruin their agreement. She would see Bea at 1:35. Allie winked in acknowledgment, relishing in the look of pure want on Bea's face, before heading behind the counter to work her shift.

Allie should have known the other shoe would drop, it always does. She watched as Kaz stormed across the room and stood in front of Bea's table. "So, you just gave up on Maxine, did you? Not worth the effort?"

Along with the rest of the kitchen, Allie once again found herself stuck in place, watching the train-wreck about to occur. Fuck if Kaz wouldn't ruin a wet dream. Why can't she just leave well enough alone?

"What?" Bea asked.

"You let a woman leave this prison for a double mastectomy with no fucking support. What kind of leader are you?" Kaz spat.

Bea chuckled, "Why don't you just go back and sit down." Bea tried the non-aggressive approach, Allie had to give her that one.

"Or maybe it was deliberate," Kaz provoked as the women egged her on. "Everyone here would rather have Maxine as Top Dog, we all know that. Maybe you'd be happier if she was dead."

Bea threw her chair back and lunged forward, pushing Kaz hard. "Will you fuck off?"

The two pushed and shoved, unable to get any real shots in as the other women surrounded them, chanting for one or the other.

"Fuck off, bitch!" Bea screamed.

Jackson jumped in the middle. "All right! Calm down!"

Jackson pushed Bea back. "Settle down, Smith."

"You let her go," Bea retorted.

"Cunt," Kaz screamed trying to get around Jackson.

"That's enough!" Jackson yelled again.

"You wanna go? Come on then," Bea urged.

Kaz charged again, and Jackson pushed her back. "That's enough, Proctor."

"Yeah, fucking protect her why don't you?" She looked at Bea and sneered. "Screw lover!"

"Yeah, heard that one before," Bea mocks with a smug look. The last time Kaz called her that she ended up with a busted cheek.

"Sit down, Smith, sit down!" Jackson insisted.

When she started to comply, he looked around the room, "Sit down, ladies." And within moments, the room returned to its previous state, like nothing had happened. Allie wasn't really sure what did happen. She went back to work when the commotion died down, counting down the minutes till she could comfort Bea.

Anxious about the way they left things, and even more so after Kaz's bat-shit crazy outburst, Allie looked at the clock. It was almost time. Bea would be in her arms, and all would be right in the world. Then, like the beaver dams they are, Kaz and the rest of the RRH girls burst through the swinging doors with Kaz demanding, "Allie, come with us right now."

"Why, what's going on?"

"Put that down and come with us."

Allie turned to see the Freak carrying a bag of trash towards her and Bea's spot. _Fuck._

"We're making a stand for Maxine. All of us united, come on," Kaz insists.

Allie gave the equipment room a wistful look before following her mother. What was she supposed to say? I can't come with you because I am secretly meeting your enemy in a few minutes? Yeah, that'd really go over well.

The girls stomped to medical, essentially taking control of the area and blocking the patients access to the nurse.

"Alright, Proctor," Mr. Stewart greeted.

"We're here in unity. Maxine Conway, already a victim of abuse, was today sent away for a double mastectomy alone."

"Okay?"

"It's just another example of the inhumane treatment of the women." Kaz continued as the women, sans Allie, cheered her on.

"Look we've got a lot of women here waiting patiently..."

"If you want to support Maxine," Kaz interrupted, speaking to all the women around, not just the RRH, "Sit with us. Demand respect."

And just like that they all sat _,_ including Allie. Once again, what choice did she have? Allie sighed from her place on the floor beside Kaz, and hoped this would end soon.

"Wow, Mr. Stewart, looks like we're ALL in agreement," Kaz gloated.

Allie fidgeted, on the lookout for Bea, or the Freak even. Neither of them appeared. Allie found it troubling to say the least.

"Maxine's hardly alone. She's got the support of a nurse. She's got the support of an officer."

"Yeah, real comfort that is," Kaz chided.

Allie sighed. She liked Max, but really, she had better things to do. Besides, when did Kaz really become #TeamMaxine, that was just a show to get at Bea, right? And where was Bea? Surely she knew Allie would have been there if she could. They said as much at lunch, mastering each others body language a while back. Then again, that was before the show-down.

Stewart's radio squawked and the Governor spoke. "Sierra five, this is Sierra two."

"Come in Sierra two."

"I'm on my way down."

"Ooh," the women collectively laughed.

When the Governor arrived, she knelt before Kaz. "So, this is in solidarity for Conway, is it, Proctor?"

"Absolutely," Kaz said looking around at all her supporters. "Maxine Conway, who right now would be being prepped for a double mastectomy...totally alone."

"Hmm," The Governor kept saying, until she got to her point. "So to support Conway...you're disrupting other womens access to their medications?"

"Unbelievable," Kaz mumbled, and Allie couldn't agree more.

The radio squawked again, this time with Jackson saying, "Governor, if you leave it much longer, the methadone girls are going to start flipping out."

A lot of the girls giggled. Straight girls probably, they loved their Jackson.

"We'll call the girls needing their medication up to the desk, one-by-one," the Governor explained.

 _Fuck,_ Allie grumbled to herself. Aren't they going to put an end to this shit? Send everyone back to work maybe?

"Well, I don't think you should be working around her," Jackson squawked again. Finally, someone with some sense.

Although Vera didn't have enough to listen. She leaned over to look at the nurses chart. "Okay, where are we up to on the medical list?"

It was a slow process, and the methadone girls really did start to flip out. Allie felt her date slipping farther and farther away.

Suddenly Jackson was before them. "Have you been let out of the playpen, Mr. Jackson?" Kaz teased.

Jackson checked to make sure the Governor was occupied and then knelt before Kaz, and Allie by proximity. "Would you like to hear the call that put you away?"

Kaz spun towards Jackson, as the Freak's voice began, "I'm an inmate at Wentworth Prison. I...I have some relevant information. This group, the Red Right Hand...I'm calling to report the identity of their leader."

Kaz was up and off the floor before the tape finished, then ran in the direction of the kitchen with Allie right behind her. Allie had no idea what was wrong, but she had felt the bad vibes since the moment Kaz retrieved her from the kitchen. She never should have left.

Allie stumbled upon a scene from her worst nightmares. The fucking Freak had Bea sprawled across the sink counter, holding her head underwater. Her red hair filling the sink like blood. Kaz grabbed Ferguson and slammed her against the nearest door.

"Bea!" Allie screamed when the woman she loved didn't raise her head on her own accord. "Fuck! Help!" Allie begged, tears pouring before she even had Bea's head out of the water. Desperately looking at a lifeless Bea, Allie screamed "Press the panic button, press the fucking panic button!"

Without hesitation, Mel ran across the room and did as she asked. Fuck that rule.

"Fuck, she's not breathing. Someone help!" Allie continued to scream. Mel and Kaz were scuffling with the Freak, but Allie didn't lose focus. The only thing that mattered now, was the deathly pale woman before her.

Allie's life crumbled when she noticed the stillness of Bea's chest. "Someone help! She's not breathing," Allie choked out, never so desperate in her life. She would relive all the worst things that have happened to her, if only Bea would wake up. She would give up anything she had to. Running out of things to trade, she began pleading with God to please just take her instead.

Allie knew Bea needed CPR, she had seen plenty of movies, she just had no clue how to do it. Remembering bits and pieces, Allie began to press on Bea's chest, just like she had seen, as she sobbed. "I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm doing."

Allie had to shout over Ferguson's tortured screams, "Someone help!" Bea was so pale, and hadn't taken a breath in so long. Allie knew she was losing her, if she hadn't already.

"Go, go, go," Jackson says when he randomly appears, pushing Allie back. "Allie, let her up."

Her friends had to drag her back, as Jackson leaned down to Bea. "Please, help her. She's not fucking breathing!" Allie begged Jackson.

"Bea, can you hear me?" Jackson put his ear under her nose, and started CPR.

Allie began to collapse, and would have if it weren't for the girls, when she got a good look at the woman who had changed the game for her, forever. Bea's vibrant eyes were lifeless, and her luscious pink lips were blue. God, what if they were too late. Allie knew that if Bea left this Earth, she was taking Allie's heart and soul with her.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N I thought I was going to make it through all ten episodes in time for 4x11 but since we are 5 1/2 hrs away now, it seems I am not going to make it. I usually write later, but I haven't slept much this week, writing all the time, and fangirling on FB when I'm not. Chapter ten will be out soon, tmrw sometime after I watch what we all care about on 4x11 repeatedly. Thanks for all the love. Oh, and a gold star to anyone who can come up with a good synonym for scoffed. I feel like I say it a lot, but it happens a lot. Someone help a girl out, please!**

Jackson worked on Bea for what seemed like forever, and then finally by some miracle, a long stream shot from Bea's mouth like a fountain. Fuck, Allie would have to learn CPR, because Bea was dead. She was gone, then she wasn't.

Allie sobs changed to those of relief as Bea's panicked eyes met hers.

Jackson picked Bea up and carried her off, probably towards medical. The Freak was also rushed there, skin melting off in gruesome clumps after Kaz had apparently stuck her hand in the fryer. That explained the screaming Allie heard, too bad it wouldn't kill her. Ding-dong, the witch wasn't quite dead.

Everyone else in the kitchen was hauled in for questioning as they tried to sort what happened. The Freak apparently having the forethought to turn the camera.

Allie sat at the table in Vera's office. The governor leaning back on her desk across from her, with Jackson standing behind.

"Why did you go to the kitchen?"

"I was just following Kaz."

"And, what did she tell you when she started towards the kitchen?"

Allie's eyes went on alert. What kind of question was that? "Nothing...she...just...come with me."

"She didn't tell you what she heard?"

"No?"

"Anything about Bea Smith?"

 _What is this?_ Allie looked back and forth between Jackson and Vera. "No."

Vera looked at Jackson in doubt. Allie said what she believed to be true. "I don't think she knew Bea was there."

"So what did you see when you first stepped into the kitchen?"

Allie sighed. God, it was too soon for this. They usually give loved ones time to come to grips with what happened before they have to answer questions. Since no one knew, and they probably wouldn't care in here anyways, Allie was screwed.

She took a deep breath. "Um, Bea was unconscious." Allie gulped, reminding herself Bea was in fact alive. "It looked like there had been a fight."

"Had Ferguson's arm already been burned?"

Fuck, she couldn't answer that one. "I don't remember. I was too worried about Bea."

With no other information, they let her go, for now. Kaz on the other hand, never came out.

A week had passed, and Kaz was still in the slot. The Freak and the other half of Allie's heart had been sent to an actual hospital and hadn't been seen. News about any of the three was scarce. No one knew anything, until one morning while they were having yard time, there Bea was.

Allie's heart filled when Bea came through the gate. She jumped off the bench as Bea's girls surrounded her. She ached to be a part of the group, and started towards them until Bea's haunting eyes met hers. Bea snarled and shook her head like a wild animal.

The intense glare never left her face, demanding Allie stay where she was, and Allie obeyed. Then Bea was gone, and Allie was empty again. What the fuck was that? Can't she just wake up from this nightmare already, and go back to the dream she was in before last week?

The rumor mill let her know that Bea had been transferred to medical for now. Allie took small comfort in the fact that at least they were in the same building.

Later that night, Allie had just finished her shower, and was doing her nightly routine. Bea was hot on her mind, in here of all places, when Boomer came flying through the door with Doreen and Liz right behind her.

Boomer grabbed Allie by her robe, screaming, "So you think you can kill one of us, do ya...do ya?" Boomer slammed Allie against the wall, as Allie struggled to break free.

"No...I wasn't trying to kill her."

"That's bullshit...that's fucking bullshit," Boomer snarls, throat-checking Allie back against the wall.

"Bea said it herself. I just saw her. She said you were working with Kaz and Ferguson to trap her...and kill her!" Doreen shot directly into Allie's heart.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I would never hurt her, I was trying to save her."

"What a load of fucking bullshit," Boomer answers, fist balled, and arm hauled back.

Just in time, Liz saves the day, or at least Allie's face when she soothes, "Boomer, wait till Bea gets out. Because you see what happens when other people make decisions for you, yeah?"

"Yeah," Boomer thankfully agrees, but promises, "But when Bea does get out...you're going down, Blondie, you and your whole crew. All right?" She finally let go, before stomping out of the room, Liz chasing after her.

Doreen was the last to leave which was fine, because she is the only one who saw Bea. "Is she okay?"

"She's alive...but no...she's not okay." Doreen glared before twirling on her heels and leaving Allie alone again.

God, who was? Allie hadn't slept, she hadn't ate, she hadn't done anything but stress about Bea and cry. Now the woman who owned her soul really thought Allie was in on it, after everything they shared? Not if Allie had anything to say about it. So, she did what any girl in love would do and followed her heart.

Sneaking into medical, Allie threw her hoodie over her head, grabbed a laundry cart and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. Entering the main medical hallway, Allie looked up to see Stewart.

"Hey, Novak?" he called out.

Allie pulled her hoodie down in an attempt to not look so obvious.

"Where's Chambers?"

"She...ah...she was feeling sick," Allie said, internally cringing. If that didn't sound like bullshit, she didn't know what did.

"Out...out" Stewart insisted, walking towards her and waving his arms like he was herding cattle.

Fuck that, she only had one chance at this. She rushed to Bea's door and yelled through the glass. "Bea...Bea..." Those deep brown eyes, finally met Allie's but her Bea wasn't there. "Bea, I didn't have anything to do with it, I swear."

Stewart dragged her from behind, saying, "Let's move it."

"I swear to God, I didn't know anything about it...Bea!" Allie screams as Stewart pushed her out the door of medical, being torn from Bea the way her heart was being torn from her chest.

After that, Allie barely left her room. She had no reason to until she saw Kaz return from the slot. When Kaz walked past her, heading towards the Freak's room, Allie ran after her.

"Kaz, did they question you? What did you say?"

Kaz ignored her and stuck her head in the Freak's cell. "Where's Ferguson?"

 _Are you fucking kidding me?_ "Fuck, who cares? She's still in the hospital."

Allie knew all the sides of her adoptive mother. She knew what the other woman was thinking by the look on Kaz's face alone. This look she couldn't place, as Kaz walked past her.

"And the other girls, how are they?"

Allie's blood started to heat up, at this rate she'd boil over soon. "They're confused Kaz. There's a bullshit rumor going around that we were trying to murder Bea."

Kaz never turned back around, just stood in silence, shuffling the magazines on their table.

"You and Me," Allie's octave rising. "Bea thinks that," she choked.

Still no acknowledgment, just papers rippling as Kaz fumbled through a magazine, like now was the time for such bull-shit.

"She told Doreen...I almost got bashed up over it," Allie scoffed, appalled that Kaz didn't care.

Kaz dropped the magazine with a thud, and raised her head, still not turning around.

 _Fuck._ Allie's face fell. "You didn't know anything about it, did you?"

Kaz finally turned. She didn't have to answer, Allie knew that fucking face for sure. "Fuck...oh fuck," is all Allie could say in a tortured whisper.

"I didn't know it was going to go that far," Kaz said monotone. She walked back past Allie, to her own room and cried out, "Everything that bitch told us was a fucking lie."

 _No, everything that bitch told you was a fucking lie. I told you. I fucking told you._

Allie chased Kaz into her room where she had propped herself on her bed, back against the wall, the metaphor for Allie's whole fucking life.

"You have to tell her I had nothing to do with it."

"Why?" Kaz asked as she met Allie's tortured gaze.

Allie knew what she looked like, fuck, she had a mirror. She also knew her desperation was showing. She didn't give a fuck anymore.

"She's not our enemy, Kaz, she didn't shop us." Allie plead, needing her mother more than ever. She had to fix this.

"She's not our friend either," Kaz spat.

"She thinks I was setting her up," Allie sobbed. "She thinks I was luring her so she could be murdered."

"Why the fuck you care so much?" Kaz scoffed.

Allie looked away. Fuck, she couldn't say it aloud.

"You're kidding me?" Allie met Kaz's gaze and shrugged. "You're on with her aren't you?"

Allie buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Fuck if that wasn't the thing she wanted the most in the world. The thing that everyone else seemed eager to destroy.

"Since when?"

Allie met Kaz's eyes. "Not long," she barely got out, the words catching in her throat.

Kaz's eyebrows raised. "So you're in her crew now?"

 _Of course that's what she cares about._ Allie sighs. "No, she thinks I'm with you...she thinks I was with you trying to murder her." Allie still couldn't believe it. The RRH caused a lot of mayhem, but they had never actually killed anyone. Still hadn't technically, but Kaz tried to kill Bea? Her Bea? Fuck!

Allie sat on the edge of Kaz's bed, patting the bed between her open legs "I can't...I can't have her thinking that."

Kaz's face didn't change, half shock and half anger permeating off her. Allie tried to reach out to her and Kaz shrugged her off.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry." She found sudden interest in the bedspread.

"Allie...I need you to go."

She looked to Kaz and barely moved her hand. Kaz shook her head no, as her tears matched the intensity of Allie's. "I need you to get the fuck out," Kaz spat.

This time when Allie reached out for her, Kaz threw her hands away, like she was throwing Allie out with the trash. Allie was used to that, she had been treated as something disposable for as long as she could remember.

Her only chance now, was to get through to Bea. To explain what Bea should have known. She just didn't have the chance until hours later. When she did approach H1, Boomer, Sonia and Liz were all in the common area, and Boomer started yelling, "Nah...Nah...Nah...what the fuck are you doing here?"

Allie held her hands up in surrender. "I just want a word."

"No, get the fuck out, now!"

Allie pointed towards Bea's room. "Can you just give me a minute please," Allie looked around Boomer, trying to sort out how she was ever going to make it past her.

"You know, piss off, right now" Boomer insisted, hands flailing as she spat each word.

"Bea...can you please..." Allie begged, needing Bea to come out of her room. To make this all go away.

"Get the fuck out of here, or I will punch your tits in, right now." Boomer promised.

Bea's door creaked open and she stepped out. Saying Boomers name had the same effect as saying "down, dog" and Bea's bodyguard instantly backed off, though she didn't go far.

Allie looked at Bea and pointed behind herself as she plead, "Can we have a word in private, please?"

Bea looked around with a smirk. "No, just say what you gotta say here."

"I know what you think...but I swear to you, I had nothing to do with any of it. I had no idea."

"Really...that's not what Kaz said...so...you guys should get your story straight." Bea laughed incredulously with Boomer chuckling beside them.

Surely she didn't hear that right. "Wait...what?" Allie asked aloud.

"She said you were the bait," Bea shot in disgust.

Allie's stomach clenched. "No...Bea, I had nothing to do with it."

Bea stepped to her. "Was that always the plan...huh...to get rid of me?"

"No, I had no idea about it. Bea, I was trying to save you, don't you remember that?"

Bea cut her off, "No...no...no, Mr. Jackson saved me."

"No...before that, I was the one who pulled you out of the fucking water." That rat fucking bastard couldn't have mentioned the whole story?

"Just shut your fucking face," Bea spat, cutting her off once again. All Allie could do was stare as her life, her present, her future, her everything, blew up in her face. "You're all the same. You are nothing but a lying, junkie street whore. You set me up for those fuckers, and I was stupid enough to fall for it."

"Bea..." Allie tried again. Fuck that hurt, all this hurt, but she needed this woman like a diabetic needed insulin.

"Nah...just get the fuck out of my unit, while you can still walk." Bea glared as Allie's tears fell, and she spun around back to her room.

She tried one more time to get the woman to stop and listen, but women are anything if not stubborn, and Bea slammed her door.

Boomer took much pleasure in pushing Allie backwards, saying, "You heard her. Get the fuck out."

One last look at Bea's door and Allie spun around, heading straight towards H3. That fucking bitch.

As soon as Allie lay eyes on Kaz she asked, "What did you say to her?"

"What?" Kaz smirked.

Allie acted on pure instinct and punched Kaz square in the face. Bending down to scoop her up from the ground, Allie shouted, "What did you fucking say?" before slamming Kaz over the chair and pinning her in place.

"Whatever she said." _This bitch!_

Allie shook the woman under her, the woman who was supposed to be her mother, the woman that just destroyed her life. "You told her I was a part of it...You told her I got close to her, just to set her up." Allie swung hard, once again connecting with Kaz's face.

Grabbing a hold of Kaz, Allie cried, "you are supposed to be my friend!"

Kaz grabbed her face roughly. "I am...I am the only one who gives a shit about you."

Fuck that, Bea gave a shit about her before Kaz. Allie swung again, this time Kaz wrapped her up in time to stop her, as Allie screamed, "Fuck off!" Hands pounding against Kaz's sides, Allie spat, "You did it deliberately to fuck me up." She swung in Kaz's arms, no longer able to connect, and when her arms went limp with exhaustion, she just gave up.

Without another word, Allie went to her room and collapsed on her bed, her body wracked with sobs. Allie's heart had shattered and slit her life-line.

As the days went on and nothing changed, the only constant in Allie's life was the tears. She had cried more since Bea's attack then she had the rest of her life combined. Stuck in this hellhole with a family that betrayed her and her soul mate who hated her, she had nothing left to lose.

In a moment of weakness, she bought some gear from Tina and crew. She spent the rest of the day trying to talk herself out of it, trying to convince herself things would get better. With no end to her torment in sight, she couldn't even convince herself. At least on the gear, she wouldn't feel. Reality hurt, and Allie needed the escape.

Allie found herself in the equipment room that night with the gear cut into lines on the table. She already knew what she was going to do, she knew the moment she had it in her hand. Her life started in this room, Bea's almost ended here...and everything just hurt so much. She needed the relief.

Using a plastic straw, she bent over the table, closed one nostril off and inhaled deeply. Her eyes watered at the initial burn, and then she savored in the familiar rush that followed.

Here, in the blurred lines between delusion and reality, Allie should have been able to forget just what her life had become. Maybe her wounds were too raw, maybe Bea was so deeply ingrained in her heart there was nothing she could do, but the tears continued to pour from Allie.

 _Oh god, what had she done?_


	10. Chapter 10

A/N OMG, the feels from 4x11. That was just wow! I legit had an anxiety attack that lasted 6 hrs until I convinced myself that my theories for next week are right. :) So, I just want to say, you guys have been amazing! I am meeting lots of cool people, both here and on FB, and I am immersed in Ballie love! I made a spreadsheet to keep track of all the prompts, because I feel there is some good stuff there. I am also trying to do them in the order I received them, within reason. With that being said, the next one shot I am working on is a combo of two different prompts I received, and an idea i had. All three will blend together, I believe.

This is only half of episode 10, but it felt like a good place to stop...Till next time.

Oh, and if you noticed a wrong word or other grammatical error recently, I edited all chapters today. I only added a few words here or there, to clear some sentences up :)**

Every addict knows it's all about chasing that first high. The warmth that encompasses you and gives you a false sense of self, of reality. One bump is the beginning to the end, because that one bump isn't enough. One bump wears off, and your body begins to crash. Like the afternoon crash from your morning coffee, times a thousand.

The crash is what gets you. Even if you don't want another hit, even if you just intended to "forget" or to "party," it's too late. The chemicals have taken control of your brain cells. The poison flows through your bloodstream. Your mind spins faster than the Tasmanian Devil on crack.

And the only thing you can do to make it stop is take another hit. The euphoria gives a false sense of well-being; like your body, and not your addiction, needed this. Then the whole cycle violently begins again.

In Allie's fleeting moments of clarity, her time in Wentworth ran on a loop, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. Everything she had noticed since the Freak first cursed the doorway of H3, everything she had heard about the Freak that she had brushed off, every warning she ignored from Bea.

 _God, Bea._

The woman had destroyed her. She had built her up from the moment they met with every soulful gaze, every twitch of that glorious mouth, every word that hit her right in the feels, and then pulled the proverbial rug from underneath her. Allie thought she loved Bea before Wentworth. She had no idea. She loved the "idea" of Bea before, and nothing prepared her for the woman herself. She fell hopelessly in love, and Bea stomped her heart into a well of depression.

Fuck Bea. She wants to see a lying junkie street whore, Allie can show her a fucking junkie whore. It's not like she hasn't sold herself before, that's all she will ever be good for, right? Why does it matter anyways? Bea doesn't want anything to do with her. All she has is the fucking ice, literally ice in her veins to match her frozen heart.

Allie floated through the yard. Her nose burned, and her throat was numb, but overall she was flying high. Allie let it all hang out, surrounded by a bunch of gorgeous androgynous women, and even some of their femme counterparts that she wasn't sure existed before then, like maybe they were placed there just to fuck with her.

She bit her lip and raised her shirt, trying to perfect the innocent school girl look, appreciating all the attention. At least someone noticed she existed.

She kissed countless women, not seeing their faces, it didn't matter. They weren't Bea. Bea wasn't Bea. Allie's life was fucking over anyways.

"You like that," she teased one girl.

"How are you?" She asked another who kept giggling at her.

Not everyone appreciated her advances. Someone pushed her back saying "God, no...get off"

Well fuck you too, you couldn't handle this.

Finally the Butch Twins wanted to make out, and she had just finished slopping spit with the second when she saw her shattered heart personified.

"Oh, hey, Bea."

Bea of course just stared. Allie was done after that. Show's over.

Needing to get away, she accidentally bumped into someone. Turning around to mumble an apology, Tina sneers, "Hey, piss off."

Fuck this. She would take Kaz's shit. She would take Bea's shit. She would not take anything from this bitch but her gear.

"What the fuck did you say," Allie spat, getting in Tina's face.

"You fucking slut!" Tina yelled, shoving Allie hard. Well, wasn't that original. She had heard worse from better. She slammed into the ground, which would have hurt if she didn't still have meth as her meds.

"For fucks sake," Allie began to rant, jumping up and after Tina. She continued to cuss them as the drug princesses surrounded her pushing her back to the ground.

She hit hard, expecting to be pummeled, when Stewart, Kaz, and Bea all approached at the same time, pulling those bitches off her.

"Get off her," Kaz screamed, like she actually gave a fuck.

"Jesus, Novak" Stewart judged, pulling her off the ground.

"I was just trying to be nice," Allie explained. What's so wrong with trying to feel good for once?

"I got it, Mr. Stewart. We're all good." Bea said.

"Get her out of here," he advised pointing away from Tina and crew.

"Come on," Bea said, pushing Allie away. She hadn't touched her in weeks, and all she can do is a little better than her enemies. _Great._

"So, are you going to take care of her, or not?" Kaz asked.

Yeah, good question. Bea paused, giving Allie the answer she needed. Yeah, Bea doesn't give a fuck either.

"You wanna pat my pussy, mama?" Allie leered.

Someone chuckled, and Bea just looked at her like who are you? Yeah, Allie understood that feeling.

She already knew what Bea was going to say, so she was turned to walk away before Bea said, "No, she's all yours."

A piece of meat, passed around to the next taker. Does the fun ever end around here?

Kaz grabbed her arm and led her away from Bea, away from the artist formerly known as Bea anyways.

When the point inevitably came that her body craved it's next dose, she was shocked when Tina and Kim turned her down. Yeah, they got into it in the yard, but money talks and bullshit walks. She would get some money, one way or another.

She chased them down the hallway, yanking on Kim's arm.

"Allie...fuck off!" Kim warned, jerking her arm free.

"Just give me a taste," Allie begged. Yeah, she was at that point. They wanted to kick her ass, and she was begging them for gear. She might as well drop on her knees right there in the hallway. Kim might take that deal, Allie heard through the "family" tree.

"Get the fuck away from us," Kim yelled, pushing Allie away. _Okay, maybe not._

"You fucking bitches," Allie fought back. "You hand it over when it suits you, don't ya?"

Kim shoved her away again with a look of panic in her eyes before she grabbed Tina and took off.

Allie turned around to see Bea staring at her. Of fucking course. Bea didn't want her but she didn't want anyone else to have her either. Bea was just mad that dope was the best mistress. Fuck her anyways. Allie walked past her, close enough for her arm hairs to raise, but not close enough to touch. It still burnt.

Hanging back with her crew, while Kaz and Bea had some heated conversation about her probably, Allie held it together until Bea just stared again.

"What are you staring at?" Allie spat.

"Leave it," Kaz advised.

Allie looked around the hallway. Great, everyone else was staring too. "Why the fuck is everyone looking at me?" Cant they get their own fucking life?

"Come on, lets go," Kaz said cheerfully like she didn't play a major part in the destruction of Allie's world.

She looked up and Bea still had eyes glued on her. Fake concern in her face. If she gave a shit, she wouldn't have done this to me, Allie reminded herself. _If she wont talk to me, then fuck her!_

"They want me, Bea" Allie provoked. Still no reaction. Allie crudely flicked her tongue back and forth. Yeah, you don't know what you're missing, baby.

Nothing. Maybe Bea was catatonic. Could she still walk around if so? With no answers, Allie followed Kaz. At least her mother was speaking to her instead of just judging her with those fucking eyes of hers.

When Allie's cravings turned to an insane need, she came up with a new plan. Yep, those bitches would give her gear if she had money in hand. Since she didn't actually have any, she decided to go through bunks while the other girls were at work. She really didn't realize she was in Juice's cell, until her and one of "her boys" caught her and drug her to the bathroom.

The blows came quickly to her eye, and then her mouth a few times. When she fell and hit her forehead on the toilet, they began kicking her instead. Beatinng a woman while she's down. Real piece of work those two are.

Suddenly like an angel and not like the devil that broke her heart, Bea appeared.

"Shouldn't you two be at work?" the Top Dog barked.

"This is none of your business," the bleached blonde one stupidly said aloud.

"Oh, yeah?" Bea grabbed her ear and yanked hard, growling at Juice who still stood over Allie, "Let her up."

"No, she was stealing stuff from my cell. I caught her in there."

"Then why don't you quit while you are ahead, Juice."

Juice didn't agree. "It's my right. She's a thief."

Allie hung her head. She really never wanted Bea to see her like this. A whore, and a thief. _Great._ She gently brushed the blood from her lip, and just listened.

"Oh yeah? How about the next time I put you in a wheelchair, you won't get out of it? Huh?" When Juice and everyone else just stared at Bea in shock, Allie was kind of in awe. Even after everything, Bea had her back when it came down to it. Legit ride or die, not the bullshit that teenagers promise each other.

When Juice was too shocked to answer, Bea screams, "Huh?" She really did like her questions to be answered.

Too smart to push, or maybe in self preservation mode, Juice chuckled and looked at her creepy sidekick. "Yeah, come on."

"And don't you ever touch her again," Bea shouted.

Juice looked back and shook her head. "Must be love." They laughed all the way out the door, like either of those bitches knew what love was.

Bea and Maxine helped her up and eased her on the bench. Allie sat with her eyes closed, leaning against the wall. Trying not to focus on the pain.

Bea shuffled around her, then Allie heard paper-towels being pulled.

"Do you need to go to medical?"

"I'm okay."

Silence of course. Allie was used to it but it still made her uncomfortable, so she jokes, "I would have ripped their heads off in another couple minutes anyways."

"Sure," Bea rolled her eyes, like the few words she had said to Allie since she destroyed her were too much of an effort.

Overwhelmed, the weight of her problems poured from Allie's eyes.

"Get out of here...go on," Bea dismissed like Allie never mattered.

"Bea...I miss you." Allie cried out.

Bea never answered but nodded to Maxine, and they were left alone for the first time since they fought about who lagged on Kaz. Allie was so happy that day, confident they would be okay. They weren't okay. None of this was okay.

"I miss you so much. Please talk to me." Allie begged. She begged for what she wanted all the time, now its time to beg for what she needs.

Bea scoffed, "You're a mess."

"I'm not...I'm not...I'm good...I'm good...I just...miss you."

Allie pushed herself off the bench and straight onto Bea. "I need you."

Bea shoved her away.

"I'll stop...I'll stop."

"No," Bea mumbled as they circled each other.

"I'll stop using I promise. I won't...I won't go near the stuff again, I promise."

Bea shook her head no. "It's not the drugs. This...you, me, whatever it was, is done."

Whatever this was?

Allie had no idea how she had any water left in her, but the tears kept right on coming. Allie shook her head, trying to clear her disbelief. "You know exactly what this was. You are just too scared to admit it."

Bea scoffed, "Whatever you need to tell yourself is fine by me."

Bea might feel betrayed, but could she honestly forget everything they shared. Allie couldn't. So she opened up more than she ever had in her life. She needed Bea to get it. Regardless, there would be no one else after her, there wasn't room in Allie's soul for anyone else.

"I can still feel you," Allie sobbed, pouring her heart out.

Bea shook her head, and turned away again.

"Just listen to me!"

Bea spun back towards her and roared, "No, you listen to me. This is it. This is the last time I save your ass."

Allie could barely see anymore, her eyes washed out in tears, blood and dope. If this was truly it, then why did Bea bother to save her at all? If this was it, Allie needed Bea to know the truest thing she ever felt. "I love you."

She had never said that word to a woman before and meant it, she rarely said it when she didn't mean it. It wasn't her, but Bea is her. And she is Bea.

One last soulful look, then Bea dug into Allie's chest. "That's a shame," scooping Allie's heart out in one last move.

Like everyone else in Allie's life, Bea walked away. She was good at that. At the beginning Bea was scared, now she is just cruel. How is it possible that this woman is the same as the one she fell in love with?

With nothing left, Allie collapsed back to the bathroom floor, alone and bloody. The title of her autobiography.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N So if you read the last A/N, you saw that I am in the midst of a bunch of stories...whats one more? Lol After talking to Baby Darth about Allie and Bea's perspectives and experiences being completely different, and encouraging her to write Bea's version of 4x10, which she did a fantastic job at by the way, I was thinking. In this year hiatus would you, the readers, be interested in this same type of story in Bea's POV? Obviously the dialogue between them would be the same, but the tone, the things they think, their back-stories, even some of their experiences would be completely different. If I do that, it would be a while, because I have other stories in the works, but let me know what you think. Unless my theories about 4x12 are all wrong, this story is going on hiatus after next week. Anyways, here is the end of 4x10, plus a little. Wouldn't Allie be confused at Bea's change of heart, and be a little bitter? I would be!**

The thing about drugs is you lose control of rational thought. Every idea that crosses your mind seems like a good one, even when its not, especially when its not. Like going to the kitchen to beg Tina and Kim, the current keepers of her only salvation.

She made it almost to the girls before Kim tapped Tina to get her attention. The Samoan spun around, knife still in hand from the vegetables she was chopping. "Jesus Christ, how many times?"

"Wait...wait...wait."

"You've been told to leave us alone," Kim warned, pushing Allie away.

"I have cash this time."

"You're fucking money is no good here," Tina insisted.

"Well...okay...just tell me who else is holding then."

Kim pushed her back against the stove. "I can make you understand." Like that bitch had no idea what the animalistic fire inside her was like.

Liz and Sonia entered the kitchen and Liz greeted cheerfully, "Allie, are you alright?"

 _Just fucking peachy, your boss is making sure of it._

"Yeah, I'm just leaving." Rubbing her forehead and glaring at Tina, Allie walked out. Thanks for nothing, bitch.

She walked outside, to the first fellow junkie she saw. "You got anything on you?"

"No, piss off."

"Are you sure?"

"Piss off."

Onto the next ones. Not for you and piss off seemed to be the resounding answer.

Desperation sent her to the one girl that actually looked worse than her. "Come on, I got cash."

"Not for you, mate, fuck off."

Allie gave up. Fuck, what else could she do. Bea made sure no one would give her relief, and Bea wouldn't either. What a great spot to fucking be in.

She pulled her hoodie over her head, and sat beside a garden box. The plants behind her might have been alive, but Allie wasn't, not anymore. She was just existing, and barely at that.

Then Stewart approached and acted as if he was tying his shoe on the box. "There's a phone in here."

Allie looked up at him, "What?"

"Don't look at me."

Allie looked away. Oh, now she's so low she can't even look at the screws?

Then Stewart surprised her. "Karen Proctor has a phone."

 _Wait, how the fuck did he know that?_ "What's that got to do with me?"

"You're going to get me that phone."

"Why would I do that?" Steal from Kaz? For what?

"If you give me what I want, I will give you what I need."

"What do I need?" _Besides Bea?_

"A g-bag. That should fix you up shouldn't it?"

She looked at him in disbelief. A screw is going to feed her habit?

"You get me that phone, and we have a deal."

Stewart slithered away like the snake he is, and Allie debated her choices. Bea wouldn't give her what she needs. Kaz can't give her what she needs, and she started this fucking mess to begin with.

Fuck it, the only thing left is the high. She can steal a phone for some gear, she has done so much worse.

Allie knocked on Kaz's door before entering. Kaz was just hanging up her phone and threw it on the bed behind her. She smiled at Allie, waving her in.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"You don't fucking look it."

"You have got to get off this shit, before you get hooked again."

Yeah, too late for that. "I'm not using again, I just had a little taste." If Kaz can lie, why can't she?

Kaz exhaled loudly. "Then, lets not go there again."

 _Bitch, we are there!_

"Okay? Come here," Kaz says, patting the bed in front of her.

How ironic, if she wouldn't have been so fucking selfish the first time Allie sat there, Allie wouldn't be like this now. Desperate and fucking alone.

Allie didn't say any of that. Instead, she did as she was told and let Kaz pretend to comfort her. Allie looked down and the phone was right there. Using Kaz's hug as a cover, Allie slid the phone into her own possession. Karma's a bitch.

Making the trade with the devil, Allie wasted no time in using the equipment room as her own way to self harm. She was numb and oblivious as she stumbled down the hallway, bouncing off other inmates, too fucked too care, till she saw Bea who shook her head in disgust.

"Yeah, run away."

"I'm going," Bea shot back.

Fuck this. Enough was enough. Allie grabbed Bea's arm and spun her around. "I never gave up on you."

Bea scoffed and broke free, running away as predicted.

"I saved your life." Bea spun back towards Allie. Her fucking tears continued to pour, she obviously had no control over them, or anything else. "You were gone. You were dead...on the floor, lying in a puddle...but I never gave up on you."

When Bea didn't respond, though her look seemed more confused than anything, Allie left with one parting word, "Never."

That was it, there was nothing left to say. Allie was done, she wiped her tears and turned to leave, physically unable to do this any longer. It didn't matter what she said, Bea doesn't hear her. Not anymore, and maybe she never did.

Some time later, Allie was alone in her room when the screws came and told her to pack her things. She really had no idea what was going on. You don't get to take your things to the slot. They wouldn't explain anything, they just urged her to hurry up.

They walked her to the entrance of H3 where Bea was waiting, rocking on her heels. One guard left, and Bea didn't say a word, she just grabbed the laundry basket of Allie's shit and walked them into her unit. The second guard then walked away, leaving Bea in charge. Hell, Bea was always in charge.

"Hey, listen up," Bea called out to the girls. "Allie is taking this free cell."

"What?" Boomer shouts. Bea just shot her a look, so Boomer backs off, "Right on."

Once the door was shut Allie heard Boomer say "I tell ya, this place does my freaking head in sometimes."

 _Ditto_

Bea tossed Allie's basket down. "Okay? You got one chance at this, Allie."

Allie, still so numb, nodded and said, "I'll try."

"You're going to do more than try. You are going to stop!"

Already halfway to hell, Allie warned, "It's not going to be pretty."

"I know...I know," Bea nodded in agreement.

"Why are you doing this? You made it clear you want nothing to do with me. I'm just a lying junkie street whore...?"

Bea winced, and took a couple deep breaths. "I was wrong, AllieCat. I was so wrong. Everything twisted in my mind, and I didn't know what to believe."

"You could have believed in me," Allie laughed, though it wasn't funny at all.

Bea grabbed her hand. "I'm so sorry. I promise I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you. Starting with this. You saved my life, now I'm going to save yours. Then we are going to start _ours_ together."

"I don't know what to say," Allie whispered. Everything in her mind was so jumbled. She had no idea where reality ended. Was this even happening right now?

"I know, baby, we will talk when you are better. Right now, can we just be here, together?

Allie nodded in agreement, that's all she could bring herself to do. Together they sat on Allie's new bed, her head in Bea's lap, until the first major throngs of withdrawal hit hard.

Her body shook from the inside out, pores sweating toxins. The bile swirled its way through her stomach until the only way it could go is out. Everything she ever ate in her entire life ended up in the toilet. Bea sat behind her, and rubbed her back. Soothing much more than her stomach.

When hot flashes replaced the chills and her body screamed for its next dose, Allie lost control. Tearing her hoodie off, Allie screams, "It's fucking stifling, it's fucking hot in here!" Bea just let her be.

On the other extreme her clammy skin caught chill easily, leaving her wrapped in a blanket, wracked with shivers, sucking her thumb as Bea stayed right there, her apparent lifeline.

Allie's soul was ripping it's way out and she couldn't handle it anymore. She needed a taste, just to take the edge off. _Fuck!_

Bea let her rant, only stopping her from hurting either one of them.

Pounding on the door, Allie screams, "fucking open the door, now!"

"Hey, hey, hey," Bea soothes as Allie tries to hit her instead. Fuck, she needs more than this. She is coming undone, and the only fucking thing that will help, no one will let her have.

The bugs crawled all over her, as Allie dug at her skin. Unable to stop the itching, she ripped her shirt off in agony.

In utter frustration, Allie shoved all her belonging on the floor, because Bea wanted her to brush her teeth. Fuck that, she just needed the ice. Why couldn't she have the ice?

Bea tried to comfort her, but it was too late for that. Allie needed that before she took that one fucking bump. Allie shoved her away, unwilling to be touched.

When the worst set in, Allie punched and kicked at the door, screaming, "Let me out...someone let me out...she won't let me out." Of course those fuckers wouldn't help they are all #TeamBea.

Bea grabbed her tight and wouldn't let her go as Allie slid down Bea and continued to kick on the door. "Fuck off...fuck off." Bea held on for dear life, riding out the ice storm until it passed.

Too tired to fight anymore, Allie lay in Bea's arms, right there on the floor, as Bea rocked her and rubbed her hand gently across Allie's head.

When she could no longer swallow, she hoarsely asked Bea for a glass of water. Bea helped her to the bed before she went. Before Bea even made it back, Allie was out. The last few weeks took their toll, and Allie's body finally had enough. For the first time since Bea was attacked, Allie fell into a deep sleep. The worst was over, right?


	12. Chapter 12

A/N Still lost in the feels from 4x11! We were flying high, then someone cut our parachute cord. Damn you, Wentworth writers! So after talking with CuriousStar about wanting to see the morning after Allie's withdrawal when she wakes up in Bea's arms, and talking to TopDog001 about all the apologies Bea owes, I thought I would combine the two. Then I realized, this is actually what we need to fill the gap between 4x10 and 4x11, you know the mysterious jump from Allie's bed to linked pinkies in bathrobes? So here we go ladies. Just my take on what we missed. I will begin on the chapter(s?) from 4x11 soon, probably after a nap!**

When Allie woke hours later, her head throbbed and an ache buzzed in each vein, organ, bone, and muscle. Squinting she realized she could handle this as long as she didn't keep her eyes open. The worst was over.

She tried to swallow and couldn't, needing water like a fool lost in the desert. She tried to lift herself, yet couldn't get up, the weight of her life choices holding her down. She wondered how fucked last night really got.

She didn't remember much after seeing Bea in the hallway, though she vaguely remembered something about changing cells, at Bea's request.

 _Bea._ God, Allie needed to see her, to figure out exactly why she's here. She opened her eyes to the darkness of the night, and pushed herself up harder, only to be met with resistance and breathy groans.

 _What the fuck?_ Instinct took over and she tried to crawl her way to freedom.

The arm around her gripped tighter and a sleepy voice husked in her ear, "It's okay, AllieCat, I'm here."

She quit fighting as all, okay most, of the pain, the fear, the bitterness that she had succumbed to, came rushing out in a long agonized cry. "Bea, oh god, Bea."

She felt Bea roll off of her and onto her back, gently trying to get Allie to move too. But she didn't, she couldn't. What if this wasn't real? "What if this is a dream..."  
She didn't realize she said that last part aloud, until Bea chuckles beside her. "It's not a dream, Allie. Look, baby, I'm right here."

Scared Bea wasn't real, or this wouldn't last if she was, Allie rolled slowly, eyes finally having adjusted enough to see Bea in the moonlight.

"Hi," Bea whispers.

"Hi," Allie chokes back.

Bea pats her chest and guides Allie's head to lay there. Allie lay still for a moment, relishing in Bea's heartbeat in her ear. The one that nearly ceased permanently, and Allie almost lost regardless.

For a few short minutes they lay in peaceful surrender, enjoying this moment, this breathtaking moment in time.

Curiosity killed the cat, and then one had to know. "Wha..what..happened la...ast night? Why am I here?" She cleared her throat enough to finish, though she still really needed a drink.

As if she could actually read Allie's mind, Bea scooted out from under her and climbed out of bed. She picked a cup up off the table. "I got this for you last night, but it's probably warm, I'll get you fresh..." Bea started to leave.

"No!" Allie choked out. If Bea left, she might not come back. Allie might have to wake up from this dream, and damn if this dream wasn't better than anything she had lived through in the last few weeks.

When she realized Bea's eyes were wide in alarm, Allie simply said, "I'll take that." Even warm water was wet, and her parched throat needed it if she was going to have this conversation, or any conversation for that matter.

Bea's eyes never left her; she just watched as if Allie drinking from a cup was the most fascinating thing she's ever seen. Allie drank half the glass, then saved the other, afraid Bea would want to refill it. Allie put the cup on the floor and then looked at Bea and asked again "Why am I here?"

"I'm so sorry...I believe you...I'm so sorry..." Bea broke down in hysterics, her body faltering.

Allie reached out for her, and guided her back to the bed. Seems like they both needed to lay down for this one.

Once situated back where they belonged, wrapped up in each others comforting embrace, Allie asks, "Who told you the truth?" Because that is what it always was, the truth.

"You did...you did...from the first day I saw you, it just took me until yesterday to finally get it."

"What happened yesterday?" Allie questioned, mind still rolling in fog.

"You did." Allie gasped, but stayed silent waiting for Bea to explain. What did Allie possibly do right yesterday that she hadn't in two fucking weeks? "You told me you never gave up, even when I was dead. So I decided I wouldn't either. I made a deal to have you moved here, and like I told you last night, you saved my life, I'll save yours." _Then we'll start ours together._ Bea didn't say that part again, maybe Allie just imagined it. False memories of a broken down junkie. Anything is possible.

"Just like that?" Allie asked, cursing herself. Why didn't she say those words the first time, or the dozen times after that when Bea harshly turned her away?

"Well..."

"Well, what?"

"I went to Jackson and asked him what he saw."

"Fucking Jackson," Allie scoffed, trying to sit up.

Bea gripped her tighter. "What?"

"Couldn't he have told you the whole story to begin with...no, he wanted to be your only fucking hero..."

She quit rambling when Bea's giggles shook her face. "What's so funny," Allie snapped.

"You're cute when you are jealous."

Allie blushed, hoping it was still dark enough out to be missed, and scoffed, "Jealous of who? Jackson? Please..."

"Are you porking him? Are you on with him?" Bea teased, tickling Allie's sides until Allie begged for mercy. When their giggles subsided, Allie still needed to know.

"Why believe him and not me? I know I don't have the best track record, but you never knew me high. You never knew that me until after...until after..." Allie couldn't continue, body wracked with sobs.

Bea shushed her and brushed her hair back, kissing Allie's forehead with plump wet lips.

When her tears came silently, Bea began, "when I woke up, all they said was that you, Kaz, and the Freak were there, and that Mr. Jackson saved me. I never saw him until yesterday, never thought to ask him. I did however ask Kaz, and she..."

"Said I was the bait," Allie finished for her, anger washing in. "And you believed her. You said I was a lying..."

Bea rushed to put her hand over Allie's mouth. "I was wrong...I was so wrong...I just wanted to hurt you as much as I was hurting, please don't ever repeat that again. Don't let anyone talk about my girl that way, do you hear me?"

Mouth still covered, all Allie could do was nod. She's not sure if she could talk anyways. Did Bea just call her, her girl?

"I will never be able to apologize enough...I was just so fucked up from the Freak. Then when I thought...when I thought that you faked this..."

"You can't fake this," Allie interrupted.

"That's what Maxine said."

"I knew I've always liked that woman."

Bea laughed. "She has always liked you too. She mashed up our names, she calls us Ballie."

Allie wanted to giggle, that was cute, but she just couldn't. Not yet. "It's nice you have support, rather than someone who loves you so little they would purposely destroy the only good thing in your life."

Bea sighed, "One day, AllieCat, I am going to explain to you why she isn't who you think she is. You aren't ready to hear that yet. What I do hope you are ready to hear, is that I love you too."

Allie gasped, and couldn't catch her breath when Bea continued, "I feel you too, whether you are by me or not. You are my soul, Allie. Besides my daughter, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. And I know I don't deserve you, that I have done nothing but bring you pain, but if you let me, I will spend the rest of the time we have making it up to you."

"Of course you deserve me. We deserve each other."

Bea let out a long breath, that Allie is not sure either of them were aware she was holding. "Allie, the first time I saw you naked, I bashed your face in the tiles. I'm so sorry, baby." Bea brushed her fingers lightly above Allie's eyebrows.

"Not to sound like an abuse victim, but I kind of deserved it...I forgot that you couldn't read my mind..."

"What?" Bea asked, eyes wide.

"When I couldn't take my eyes off you. I didn't think of you as the Top Dog, or as Kaz's supposed enemy." She ignored Bea's hiss at Kaz's name. Bea was right, that was for another time.

"Yeah...what did you think of me as?"

Allie looked deep in Bea's eyes, wrapping her own around Bea's entire being, and simply whispered, "Mine."

Bea leaned forward, brushing her fingers across Allie's face, before she gently pulled her in for their second first kiss. So much emotion transferred between sets of lips. Weeks of hurt, months of want, it all boiled down to this, their second chance.

Allie knew they had so much more to discuss. They were both broken, full of regret and insecurities. But here, in this moment with the woman she loved, she knew they could make it through damn near anything. They already had.

"So our future, huh?"

Bea's eyes twinkled, "Yeah, AllieCat, our future."

"I love you too, Bea," Allie whispered, before pulling her back in, kissing her like she had never kissed before. Bea matching her strokes with passion of her own. As the tingles ran through Allie's body she smiled from the inside, for the first time maybe ever. A girl could get used to this.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N Hey guys, it's been a couple days and I will spare everyone all the ridiculous details, but like I have said, it's been a long almost 5 months for me medically, and it got the best of me the other night, so I didn't get to write like I wanted. But, writing is about all I can do these days, so I am happily back at it. It takes me to my happy place as my Mama calls it when she reads her straight smut stories. You know the books you can get for a quarter at a yard sale with a half naked man on the front, and the woman is in his shirt? LMAO The rest of 4x11, the beauty and the insanity will be out soon, probably later tonight or tomorrow.

Be still our Ballie loving hearts, we don't know for sure yet what happened. If you have ever watched a soap opera, you know people can survive the craziest things on TV**

Things only got better between the two of them after Allie made it through withdrawal. Many an hour were spent making apologies, both explaining their sides of what happened with the Freak, and opening up about their feelings. With everything seemingly out in the open, their bond continued to grow. Quick kisses became heated make outs. Light touches became full on groping.

Allie was not surprised when they fell into a happy, love-sick phase. She knew all along it could become this, if Bea just let it. When Bea finally did, it was everything Allie had ever hoped for and more.

Even though things were better overall at Wentworth with the Freak still in medical, Allie still tried to keep the PDA to a minimum. She knew, or at least she thought she knew how Bea felt about that. Then one morning, they were heading to the showers, walking down the hall in their matching bath robes. Allie's fingers reached out to brush Bea's. Yes, they had just touched in their block, and no, not like that, but that was too long ago.

Bea brushed back, before she noticed the look of shock on Juice's face along with the rest of the hall. Bea simply wrapped her arm around Allie and pulled her in, daring anyone to say something. Of course, no one did. That was the end of Allie's hesitation. Fuck what everyone else thought, as long as she was on Bea's arm, that's all that mattered to her. She wrapped her arm around Bea too. Damn, that feels good.

Kaz looked less than thrilled when she stomped past, but Allie didn't care. Kaz nearly destroyed everything with Bea and in the process destroyed Allie herself. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to forgive that, especially when it was intentional.

Bea led them to the bathroom, where she guided Allie into a makeshift chair, and then began running her fingers through Allie's locks.

"Ooh, my own personal stylist. I could get used to this."

"Yeah, I do weddings, proms, and court appearances."

For the first time in her life, Allie could actually say she wanted the judge to give her a long sentence. Everything she had, everything she was, is right here with Bea.

"So what were you thinking?" Allie asked, turning to look at her love.

Bea's fingers trailed up her scalp. "Hmm...I don't know, maybe a little up-do." With a firm grip on Allie's hair, Bea finished, "So the judge can see how open and honest your face is."

"But, sexy as hell, right?" Allie teased.

"Oh yeah." Controlling more than just Allie's head with her firm grip, Bea leaned forward and began to kiss her. Damn, when they finally had that good sex Allie had prescribed for Bea, it was going to be fucking hot.

They had just barely started when Miles came through the door. She shut the door really quick, before saying, "I need the shower cleared, finish that in H1."

Yeah, they would clear out in a minute. First they giggled about being caught making out like a couple teenagers, then they thought what the hell, and did it again. Whoever needed the shower can wait.

At breakfast, Allie was happily a part of Bea's group. Maxine wasn't there, she went in for her second round of chemo, but the other ladies had made her feel welcome as soon as Bea explained that Allie was as much of a victim as anyone else in that whole clusterfuck.

Her and Bea sat at the end of the table, lost in their own world of arm locked hand-holding, knees pressed together, as close as they dared to get in the dining hall. When Bea began to stare away from her, Allie turned to see that Kaz had pulled out a chair for Doreen, who looked confused as to where she was supposed to sit.

"Hey, Doreen," Bea called with a smirk, nodding her head at the empty chair at their table.

"Oh, what? She is going to sit with us?" Boomer questioned rather loudly.

Bea shushed her and shook her head at the same time Liz advised, "Leave it."

You can not show your enemies weakness, and a divided front is weakness of the worst kind. Whether they liked Doreen or not, and Allie was leaning more towards not, turning her away now would be more trouble than it is worth.

Allie just stared back and forth, not prepared for another showdown. Kaz simply pulled her offered chair back in as Doreen sat at their table. Allie finally took a breath, and Bea never lost her smirk.

"Are you all right, Dor?" Liz asked, always the mother.

Doreen gave a slight nod, then looked at Bea and Allie with a shy smile. "So...you got the whole prison talking, Bea."

Bea just chuckles, "yeah." Allie kept smiling because it was their life that was so happy. Who ever would have thought they would find love and peace in such a hateful, violent place.

"God...yeah...slow news day, obviously." Bea had came a long ways, but she sure didn't like being on display. It's like they were the First Family of Wentworth. Allie found more amusement in that than Bea did.

Bea picked her sausage off her plate, and the always quick Boomer asks, "hey...you going to like eat that...now that you're a vagitarian?"

Everyone laughed and Sonia encouraged, "That was pretty witty." Boomer kept agreeing, proud of herself.

Allie laughed as Bea shoved the sausage in her mouth, then she tingled in other places. That should not be so hot. Bea took a big bite and then threw what was left at Boomer. When it hit the floor and Liz had to tell her to leave it, Allie wondered if she would have ate it. It's Boomer who knows.

The complete opposite of Bea, Boomer loved to be the center of attention, and said "Hey, you know...I pashed a girl once." When all eyes were on her, and Bea couldn't hide her amusement, Boomer continues, "yeah, I was piss drunk...I don't know, you reckon that makes me a bi-sexual?

Liz says yes, as Sonia suggests with a straight face, "a beer sexual, perhaps."

When the whole table erupted in laughter, Boomer yells, "That's fucking witty too, eh...high five."

The women lean over the table to smack hands as the rest of the group continued to laugh.

Bea looked at the clock, then nodded at Allie with an unreadable expression. "Hey, you should probably get going."

Allie took a deep breath in. God, she didn't want to do this. What if the judge released her? What if this was the last time she saw Bea besides through glass? They never even consummated their relationship, and Allie has been dreaming of nothing else. What if they never got that chance? She couldn't even kiss her goodbye in here.

Sonia pulled her from her musings, by asking, "Oh, yes, you've got your sentencing today, haven't you?"

Allie nodded but couldn't answer, how was she supposed to talk when she was on the edge of a cliff, desperately hanging on.

"Good luck, love." Liz advised. Allie had a feeling they weren't hoping for the same outcome.

Boomer always full of helpful advice, says "Yeah, just give the judge a blow job, eh?"

When she stuck her finger in her mouth, and bobbed her head around it Bea groans, "Oh, that's gross, Booms."

Allie laughed and was still smiling as she left their table, until she passed Kaz who grabbed her arm.

"What are you doing? Are you trying to humiliate me?"

"Yeah, cuz its all about you, Kaz." What do they call that? Oh yeah, narcissism.

Allie was still trying to pull her arm free, when Bea approaches. "Hey, let her go."

Though she was extremely pissed at Kaz, Allie didn't want them to fight over her. "It's okay," Allie soothed as soon as Kaz released her.

"No, it's not okay. She doesn't have any rights over you." Bea stood in between them. Kevin Costner has nothing on her bodyguard. Bea turned to Kaz, "You lied straight to my face. I know that Allie didn't have anything to do with that attack on me."

"You think you're special because you got her off the gear? I've pulled Allie out of her own shit so many times, I can't even remember. If I hadn't have been there, she wouldn't have survived."

Yeah, that was true, but on the other hand, she betrayed and abandoned Allie when she needed her the most. Allie didn't bother to answer, she had places to be.

Allie didn't say much in court. The judge already had them dead to rights thanks to the Freak's tip. Any woman within fifty feet of Kaz when it all went down could count on spending time in prison. Ten years, Allie heard, and she was filled with this unbelievable sense of relief. She wouldn't have to give Bea up anytime soon, not that she would have anyways, but letters and phone calls are not the same as their intimate connection that grew daily.

She couldn't get back to Wentworth fast enough. As she approached the cell, however, a heaviness settled on her shoulders. Ten years. What if Bea didn't want her around for ten years, then what? Allie had figured she could just add time to her sentence with petty crimes as needed. Ten years was like a true commitment. Drugs were the only relationship she's had that lasted longer than that.

She walked into their common room and looked around at her new family, taking it all in.

"Well," Bea encouraged.

"Ten years."

"Fuck me, eh?" Only Boomer.

"Well, that's a fair whack, love," Mama Liz justified.

"I'm sorry," Bea soothed.

Her sweet, innocent Bea. She knew the Top Dog was far from innocent, but Allie couldn't help but wonder if they had met years ago, before Harry, before the drugs, if things would have been different for them both. Knowing Bea like she does, she already knew the answer. She knew the real Bea, the hidden, gentle soul that begged to be loved.

And Allie did, she loved her so much, and she finally felt what she did at her sentencing; peace. So she smiles at her girl, and says, "I'm not..." Allie looked right into Bea, and felt her back when she finished, "I couldn't give a shit if it was twenty."

Finally, Bea smiled back, and Allie knew they were going to be just fine.

Gone only for her hearing, Allie immediately resumed her place at Wentworth. One day, Kaz pushed a dish crate of trays across to her. When Allie grabbed it, Kaz pulled back, drawing Allie's attention.

"Ten years. I'm sorry, kiddo."

That's definitely not what she should be apologizing for. Allie made her own decision to help Kaz do Bea's bidding. Looking back now, she wouldn't change that for anything. It might sound fucked up to most people, but most people hadn't lived the life Allie had. To her, Wentworth was home. Her life began in H1. Kaz didn't get the real issue at all, so Allie pulled harder on the crate and walked away with it.

Kaz didn't follow her, but Allie stumbled upon something much worse. Tina was digging her stash of ice from under a ceramic container.

Allie walked into the cage to put her basket down. Immediately, Kim entered behind her, and she was sandwiched between the drug princesses once again.

Tina held her hand out with a little baggie of meth. Almost in a trance, Allie stared at it long and hard. She would be lying if she said the gear didn't call to her at all. She would always be an addict, no matter how long she stayed sober. Then Bea flashed across her mind, and Allie knew she didn't need the ice. Bea made her feel better than the drugs ever will.

"Ice cream," Tina purred.

 _I bet Bea tastes better than ice-cream._

Allie grabbed the gear and stomped off, heading straight to Bea. Her woman was not going to be happy about this at all. She entered H1 to only find Boomer and Maxine eating breakfast, probably baby talking, that is all they ever did anymore.

She ducked her head in Bea's bunk to find it empty. She spun to the table and asked the girls; "Have you seen, Bea? I need to talk to her."

"In the laundry, honey."

"What's up your bum?" Boomer asked chomping away.

Allie didn't have time to answer. She needed to show Bea this and get rid of it before she got busted. She turned quickly, heading to the laundry, but never made it out of their block.

Miles walked in and asked, "Novak, why aren't you at your work unit?"

 _I don't know, maybe because it's full of fucking dope!_

She's no lagger, so she says, "Oh yeah, Miss Miles, sorry I wasn't feeling crash hot, I need to pass."

"You need to get to kitchen clean-up, now," Miles insisted.

Allie couldn't help but to raise her eyes. _Fuck, now what?_ Always a little street savvy, Allie hurries to ask, "Okay, well, fine. Can I at least take a piss first?"

"Hurry up."

Allie scurried into her room, trying to figure out where the hell she could put the gear.

Miles, either on her period, or needing laid, yells, "Squirt it out, Novak. You alright?"

Allie squats on her toilet and slips the gear in between the bowl and the seat. That will have to do for now. She grabs toilet paper till Miles looks away and she puts the tp down and hurries out.

As soon as her shift was over, Allie hurries back to her room. Damn, did she need to find Bea. Allie walked into her bunk and there Bea stood, stiff, with the gear in her hand.

Allie didn't like the look on her face, not at all. "No...no...that's not..."

"What the hell?" Bea hissed. "A bag of ice?" She questions, spirits dampened.

"I sprung Tina in the pantry with a huge stash. She just gave me that to shut me up. Bea, I was never going to use it...I swear, I just took it to show you."

Bea looked like the tears would begin any second. Yeah, fuck that. Allie walked to the toilet, hand above the flusher, and stared at Bea until she dropped the gear. Once it flushed, both smiles grew as Bea rubbed Allie's face. They would be okay.

Bea stomped out without another word, presumably after Tina. Allie expected as much, and despite her own slips, she really did believe in Bea's anti-drug policy. That shit can kill you.

When Allie finally made it outside, Bea stood in what appeared to be a lions den, the girls all eager to tear her alive, if only the screws weren't there as the lion tamers. _Fuck!_ Tina smirked at her and then back at Bea, like she owned Allie or something. That bitch had no idea. Bea owned her mind, her heart, her soul, and her body. There was nothing Tina could offer her anymore that was better than what she had.

The next time they were in the yard, Allie found a stray piece of chalk on the ground, and began writing on the wall. "I'm forging your signature, Bea."

Bea laughed, "You don't know how to forge my signature."

"Bull-shit, I'm going to sign you up for anger management classes."

"That isn't my signature," Bea giggles. She grabs the chalk from Allie, and begins to write saying, "I'm going to forge your signature, and I'm going to sign you up for yoga and meditation."

"Oh, sweet. I'll be zen as fuck in ten years."

Allie took the chalk back and drew a heart around their names. Something she always saw teenagers do in movies, but never cared about anyone enough to do that herself.

Doreen came running towards them in a panic, "Hey, someones lagged."

"Apparently when one of the screws tossed their whole unit, they knew exactly what they were looking for." Liz added.

Juice approached with the rest of the yard behind her. "Bea, you better sort this out. We got a fucking rat in the ranks."

"Huh, you want me to sort it out, do ya, Juice?"

"You're the Top Dog," Juice demanded.

"Only when it suits you," Bea shot back.

Juice turned to ask the women, "Which one of you bush pigs spilled your guts to the screws?"

"Bush pig? I think that a case of pot/kettle don't you, love?" Liz zinged.

Kaz stabbed her in the back and through her heart as she insisted, "It was Allie."

"What?" Allie squeaked. Fuck that, she has never lagged and wouldn't now.

"Kim said you saw Tina in the kitchen with her stash."

Bea turned to look at Allie. Fuck, Bea didn't believe this did she? They had built trust, right? Surely Bea knew she was the only one Allie would tell. Hell, she didn't even tell Maxine or Boomer, though she saw them first.

"Maybe that's why Vinegar Tits moved you to H1. You are the new governor's bitch."

Allie stood speechless. People really believed anything.

"No, no!" Bea defended. "I got her moved, Allie didn't lag."

"Protecting your girlfriend, are ya Bea?" Kaz provoked.

"Get fucked, Kaz, I already warned you," Bea said approaching her rather quickly.

"Is this double standards or what? You're allowed to lag as long as you are fucking the Top Dog." Kaz was too busy gesturing at her gyrating crotch to catch herself when Bea shoved her.

She had barely hit the ground when Jackson and company came running. Once he ensured they were separated, Kaz yells, "Fuck you, you motherfucking rat."

"Got that right," Jackson answers. Why the fuck would he say that?

Miles grabbed Kaz. "Walk away or go to the slot. You decide."

Allie was gone before Kaz, or Bea. Fuck, she couldn't go through this again. She had just got Bea back. She couldn't lose her a second time over something she didn't do.

She was hyperventilating over her sink when Bea came in and asked, "hey, are you okay?"

"I'm not a fucking lagger," Allie choked out.

"I know," Bea soothed.

"I mean...only to you, but...Kaz isn't going to let this go. She is going to come after me."

Bea shook her head, "No, she won't"

"You don't know Kaz, some of the shit I've seen her do." Her insides were in a war, and she might throw up at any second.

"She doesn't scare me," Bea of course said.

"Yeah, nothing scares you does it." Allie tried but she couldn't be that strong. Finding her breath still seemed to be a problem.

"That's not true," Bea explained. "A lot of things scare me." Allie got lost in Bea's eyes, though she should have them mapped out by now." "Fuck...come here," Bea whispers before cupping Allie's face with her hands. "We are in this together...okay?" Bea tucked a strand of Allie's hair behind her ear. "Know that I will protect you, no matter what."

God, she had waited a lifetime for someone to say that and actually mean it. To say it and not have some hidden agenda that it takes you a decade to realize. To say it and not stomp your heart on purpose the first time it suits you.

Feelings all over the place, Allie just nodded and let Bea wrap her in a giant hug. She never felt safer in her life. Maybe Bea was right, they could be okay. Hadn't they faced their share of hardship in their new relationship? Surely it was time for the happy in happily ever after. How much more could two people take? Allie was afraid to find out.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N Here is the end of 4x11. OMG, I am really on the edge, waiting for Tuesday. It is possible that I can add another chapter of smut from Bea's perspective before the craziness of the season finale. Let me know. This story is obviously all Allie so far, and I really want it to stay that way, overall, but the first time from Bea's POV really appeals to me. You can't have too much sex before tragedy ;)**

Things seemed to calm down when no one could prove their crazy theory that Allie had lagged. Her and Bea were closer than ever, and people tended to leave them alone.

Now that they were out as a couple, they spent every free moment they could spare, together. Even the clouds in the sky brought joy as they lay together, one arm around each others neck, and the other pointing out shapes.

"Where?" Bea asked.

Allie pointed above them. "That one right there. Can't you see it...it looks like a prawn."

Bea turned to face her, rested their foreheads together and laughed. "No, it doesn't...It looks like a seahorse."

They both looked back up. "Oh, shit...yeah it does."

Allie turned back to Bea. "Hey, did you know seahorses like to swim in pairs?"

Bea faced her with a questioning smile. "Do they?"

Allie raised her pinkie. "Yeah, they do. They link tails so they don't lose each other."

Bea smiled at her hand, before she linked their pinkies and sighed happily. Seems like these seahorses have found their match.

They laughed until they noticed Max and Boomers approach, and began to sit up, smiles still on their faces for their friends as Allie lay her head on Bea's shoulder. The perfect head rest, like it was made just for her.

"You've been drinking your water?" Bea asked Maxine, and before she got a response she turned to Boomer, "Has she been drinking her water?"

"Oh yeah, I'll be making sure of it," Boomer answered, nodding at Maxine.

"Yeah...no...I'm pissing like a fountain...from both ends."

Boomer continued to nod in agreement.

Allie hadn't noticed Kaz's dramatic entrance into the yard until Liz calls out, "Oh here we go. What's going on here?"

Kaz sprang onto the picnic table. "Everyone listen up." Bea and Allie stood up to join the growing crowd.

"I just heard some disappointing news. I know who lagged on Tina Macato."

"Who?" A few people in the crowd questioned.

"Who's the fucking lagger...well spit it out," Juice encouraged, with a glare shot at Allie. "Me and the boys will sort her out."

Allie looked at Bea, hoping she was ready for this shit. Surely Kaz and crew found some way to frame her.

"The person who lagged directly to the Governor was Bea Smith."

Allie scoffed. _That bitch has really lost it this time._

Someone behind them yelled, "what?" before Allie had a chance to. Like Allie, the crowd was not convinced. They had seen Bea do a lot of things under her reign, but never lag.

"Get...out," Juice sneered, speaking for the crowd as Kaz began to lose her audience. She really would say anything.

Tina stood beside her on the ground, snarling as Kaz continued, "I know it's hard to believe your Top Dog would betray you...but it's true."

"Get off," Juice roars.

Boomer was quick to agree. "Yeah, get off the fucking table before I punch your tits in."

"Yeah," Juice agrees. Thank God the two of them weren't usually on the same side.

Kaz shook her head, and stared directly at Bea who hadn't said a word. "Bea, you got anything to say?" Bea met Kaz's eyes, but remained mute. "Tell us...tell all of us. Did you lag to the Governor, Bea...or are you just going to deny it?"

Bea shook her head, imperceptibly at first and then harder. "No."

"You are full of shit, Kaz," Juice declares.

Kaz looked at Bea, with a sense of disappointment. Kaz really is crazy. First it was Allie, now Bea?

"No, I'm not going to deny it."

A little slow to react, Allie's lip dropped when it registered what Bea said. _The fuck?_

"It was me...I lagged." The peanut gallery was shocked into silence and just stared. "So, what?"

Kaz stepped off the picnic table like she was stepping off her throne. "So...what?" Kaz spat. "You just betrayed everything you stand for. You're the Top Dog."

"Yeah, that's right." Bea nodded, and Allie could just stare. Twilight Zone or some shit going on here. "I'm sick of the drugs in this place. I'm sick of Tina crossing me, and peddling shit to my girls." Or more specifically her one girl, Allie thought as Bea challenged the group around her with her eyes. "And that's why I lagged...To put a stop to it!"

"Well, you can't be Top Dog and a lagger. It's one or the other." Kaz insisted.

"Yeah, that's right," Juice agreed.

"So which one is it, Bea?"

Bea stood very statuesque as Kaz demanded an answer. "Which...One...is it, Bea?"

Bea looked to Allie, and the rest of their girls as if she was looking for her answer. When she faced no resistance from her crew, Bea looked around the yard one more time before saying, "That's it...I'm done."

Allie just stared as Kaz smiled like she won. Allie felt the pressure roll of Bea from where she stood, and it continued to melt away as Bea left the yard, no longer the Top Dog. It took Allie longer than she had hoped to get to Bea, but the yard had erupted into confusion when Queen Bea walked away from her throne.

If she was a different kind of girl, she would have objected when she walked in Bea's room to find her holding hands with Liz, but after everything she just found out, it was easy enough to let it go, especially when Liz pats Bea's hand and says, "I'll leave you two alone."

Allie backed into the room and met Liz's smile. Bea calls out to her, and once Liz fully turns around, Bea simply says, "Thank you."

"No worries," Liz answers, before shutting the door behind her.

Allie leaned back against the sink, and gave her best, are you kidding me look.

Bea had the good sense to cock her head and at least look guilty.

Allie shook her head, with her hands in her pockets. She had some things to say before she grabbed her woman.

"You could have told me you lagged."

Bea shook her head in agreement, but said, "I was trying to protect you." Allie just smiled and walked towards her. "I promise I will never keep anything from you...ever again."

Allie stood before her love, grabbing Bea's hands, their faces basking in the sunlight. "I promise you, I will never take another drug...again...ever."

When Bea hid the brightness of her smile, Allie whispered, "I don't need them anymore."

While Bea was busy staring at her lips, Allie ran her hand across Bea's cheek. Something had changed for them, and they both knew it. Bea copied Allie's movements across her face as their lips met and their tongues began to dance together.

Pulling back gently, Allie reached her hands underneath Bea's shirt and lifted it off. Their eyes met, and Allie didn't even have a chance to kiss Bea again, before Bea was pulling Allie's shirt off as well.

They stood in their bras, running fingers through each others hair, neither willing to waste a second of this time together.

Bea slid Allie's bra straps down her shoulders, tenderly, and Allie marveled in the innocence of Bea's touch against her breasts. Bea's hands trailed upwards, until she was once again stroking Allie's face, in pure reverence.

"I need to feel more," Allie encouraged, pulling at Bea's pants. Her lover got the hint, and shimmied out of her pants.

"You too, AllieCat." and at world record speed, Allie's pants were on the floor as well.

Allie leaned forward and pressed herself into Bea, their bodies flush together, heart beats synchronized. Allie gently pushed Bea back to the bed, before she straddled Bea and wrapped Bea's legs around her.

"Is this okay?" Allie had to ask, she couldn't handle Bea not being able to handle it.

"Yes," Bea whispered, pulling Allie into another sensual kiss.

Allie knew Bea had never had a positive sexual experience, and she needed to change that. She needed Bea to really understand that sex with the right person is everything. She quickly shed the rest of their clothes, admiring Bea's soft skin. She gently trailed her hands down Bea's body, nibbling on her neck, and stopping to suck on her pulse point.

Bea's breath was hot against her face as she smiled and flipped them over. Planting wet kisses down Allie's back to the curve of her ass and back up, nothing but pure joy at the reaction she was receiving.

Allie flipped them again, and pressed her front against Bea's back, her wetness dripping onto her lovers hot skin and sizzling. Allie reached around and grabbed Bea's breast, fingertips grazing her nipple. She chuckled against Bea's neck when her lover grabbed her hand to keep it there. Allie sucked again on Bea's neck that tasted of a hint of vanilla, and overwhelmingly like the sweetness that is Bea, and delighted at Bea's moans and the way Bea whimpered beneath her. When Allie trailed her fingers down, towards Bea's pot of gold, Bea writhed against her and raised her head. She didn't have to say what she needed; Allie already knew.

She used her fingertips to test Bea's wetness. When one finger slid in easily, like fingers into a glove, Bea gasped, and Allie pulled back out before trying for two. Filling Bea up, then pulling out again, long fingers thrusting in tandem into Bea's welcoming warmth. Bea didn't stop her moans, and they became louder when Allie's fingers found Bea's spongy internal switch. With every stroke she curled her fingers just right, hitting that spot over and over.

When Bea clenched around her, her eyes got wide and her mouth formed a perfect O as she cried out, a few tears escaping.

Allie smiled in awe, watching the strongest woman she knew fall apart beneath her. Bea grabbed her neck tight and held on as Allie kissed her forehead and led her into post-orgasmic bliss.

"I've never...experienced..." Bea seemed at a loss of words.

"I told you baby, sex can be good with the right person."

"You...you...undersold it, AllieCat...if I would have known..."

"You would have what? Let me do what I wanted to in the bathroom..."

Bea blushed despite everything they had just experienced. "Yeah...something like that."

"But I haven't even tasted you yet, my Queen. You don't know how it will feel, but I can show you," Allie husked.

"We have nothing but time, AllieCat...and there is something I need to try first," Bea resisted, hands trailing down Allie's abs towards her aching center.

"Yeah...okay..." Allie sputtered. How could she argue with that?


End file.
